Before I leave for California I need to make formal recognition that the wheel of the year has turned once more… another fall is here.
This is the time when the child of summer grows into the self-reflective adolescent. Where the child is pure emotion, the adolescent is more hesitant to act freely, more concerned with what other people might think. And, concerned about the effects of our actions on others.
For me, this is a maturing of steeping the red energy of summer in the black cauldron of self-awareness. What effect does my anger have on others? Does it serve me? Does it really serve the truth of who I am? Lately friendships have been falling away like sequins off a wedding dress. Does being true to who I am mean letting go of these friendships because people don’t appreciate me the way I am? Or am I being loyal to an old self-image that no longer serves me? As I look back over my life, most friendships and romantic relationships have ended with an angry scene. Although it’s true that sometimes we need that angry energy to separate, and sometimes anger is definitely the appropriate response to being treated badly, neglected, or abused, the maturing part of me is beginning to question the way I express the anger.
Sure, it’s fun to let it rip… It can feel very satisfying, especially when someone has behaved in ways that I felt hurt by. I’m thinking of one event in particular that occurred this summer… Sometimes the energy of expressing anger can reveal the hidden truth in a situation. And yet it makes most people uncomfortable, and the loss of a friendship is a high price to pay. My friend Dorrie was the only person I’ve ever met who seemed to love me fully when I was angry; it didn’t phase her. What a gift to have that acceptance.
So this is the exploration I am taking with me into the Owens Valley desert region in Eastern California. What inner exploration are you doing this fall?
Here are some entries from the past about the energies of the West, which is the fall quadrant of the wheel: