I have been writing about my medicine walk in Eureka Valley, California, last October. After I completed the north shield ceremony, which involved gathering the bouquet of flowers and making gifts for my people, I felt that I wanted to do an east shield ceremony. I didn’t know what form this might take, but considered doing work on what I was projecting onto a man I currently felt very drawn to. Or perhaps I could do a ceremony with the little boy inside, or lizard man—two east shield figures I have done work with in the past. Or maybe I would be drawn to do a ceremony on something else that is creative, joyful, and the breaking down of old forms.
In keeping with the movement of this day, I decided to move further down the wash for the final ceremony. I gathered up my pack and jackets, as I still felt the heat of the afternoon and wasn’t wearing all the layers I’d started out with that morning. I began walking down the wash, looking for a place where I felt drawn to do my ceremony. When I came to the small waterfall (now dry), I picked up the bouquet I made earlier. I didn’t quite find a spot that felt really good, but eventually saw a place to put down the bouquet on a flat rock. This became my altar, and I arranged my ceremonial stones for the four directions on it, with a tealight candle in the middle.
I wanted to find a form in nature to represent my inner man so I could talk to him. I scanned the cliff that formed one of the canyon walls, and looked at the boulders in this area, but nothing seemed quite right. Since I couldn’t find a life-size figure, I made a figure of a man from smaller flat pieces of rock, which I laid out on a yellow towel. (Yellow for the east!) First I found a red and white stone to use for the heart, then a big round white stone that I felt inspired to use for the head, and then some flat pieces of slate to use for the torso, arms, legs, and pelvis. I found some dried branches to use for hair, and a yellow stone from the buddy pile to use for the penis.
I offered tobacco from Dirk, the sweat lodge fire keeper and water pourer who had given me this gift in Arizona at the wilderness guides gathering. I sprinkled the tobacco in the four directions, offering thanks to the spirits and asking them to be with me in this ceremony. At first I felt a little shy talking to this figure I had created to represent my inner man, and I sat across the altar from him. Then I stood up to talk to him, and danced to some songs in my head—You Sexy Thing and Beast of Burden.
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