vision quest – Karen's New York Love Affair

Vision Fast Retreats at BC Wilderness Visions

2012 Dates

There are no dates scheduled for 2012. If you are feeling the hunger for solo time and sacred ceremony in nature and the call of the wild is strong within you, we will do our best to fill this need, even if for just a 2-day weekend fast. The location will be in the wilderness near Missezula Lake, in a private area that’s close to a campground. The spot is near Monkey Valley. I discovered it on my first medicine walk, and it is a very special place.

2013 Dates TBD

We are currently planning for a vision fast retreat in July or August of 2013. This will be a 5- or 6-day trip with a 3-day fast, pre-fast preparations, and post-fast storytelling and incorporation. This retreat will be in the wilderness near Missezula Lake. Cost: $800 – $1,200 sliding scale.

If you are interested in participating in 2013, please send an email to info@klove.nyc.

To arrange a customized individual vision fast for other dates, contact Karen at 604.251.6337.

“…by the time you step out of your purpose circle into the broad daylight, something has happened, whether you know it or not.”
Steven Foster and Meredith Little

A teenager is about to be released from a minimum-security youth prison, and has a chance to make a new start. A stay-at-home mom contemplates returning to the work force now that all her children are in school, but is unsure about whether she is ready. A business executive in upper management feels dissatisfied despite prestige and financial success, and wonders whether some other work would be more fulfilling. A woman in her sixties is making the transition from worklife to the freedom of retirement. What do these people have in common? They are each at a time of potential transition, and wonder what direction to go in.

The vision fast is a cross-cultural ceremony that brings guidance and healing through solo time in wild nature. This journey is a very personal one, and its meaning will be unique to you. Traditionally, the vision fast is a rite of passage that marks an important transition in your life, such as the passage into adulthood. The vision fast can be used for contemplation and celebration of life at any time of change, including puberty, marriage, divorce, career change, meeting life goals and milestones (something we often don’t take the time to celebrate and acknowledge in a meaningful way), loss of a loved one, retirement, illness, and preparation for death.

Today, precious time alone in wild nature is rare, and you might wish to take this time for contemplation or to renew your connection to yourself, to the earth, and to the sacred dimension in your life. Or perhaps there is an area of your life that you want to spend some time healing, such as a distressing event or a relationship. Or maybe you are aware of an inner quality of yourself that you wish to cultivate and invite to participate more fully in your life. What longing in your heart is calling you to undertake this journey?

The vision fast ceremony begins with time spent making preparations and clarifying intentions. Then participants fast alone in the wilderness for three days and nights, following the ancient practice of going without food, human companionship, and built shelter. (To adapt this ceremony to modern questers in a mountain climate, fasters use a tarp and sleeping bag for shelter.) After the solo, you will have time to share your story, integrating your solo time and preparing to reincorporate into your life at home. For customized individual fasts, the format described here can be adjusted to a two-day or four-day fast if desired. Even a one-day fast can be very powerful.

One of the tasks of preparation is to undergo a medicine walk. BC Wilderness Visions offers medicine walks in the Vancouver area. Or type Medicine Walk in the Search box at the top of this page to find out more information and go on your own medicine walk.

The basic structure of the vision fast wilderness retreat draws on elements of rites of passage and renewal that stretch back to the beginnings of human consciousness: removing ourselves from our familiar worlds and going into the wilderness; using ceremony to deepen awareness and open our hearts; having time together in close community; having time alone; fasting; and returning with greater clarity and specific tasks.

Required reading: The Trail to the Sacred Mountain—A Vision Fast Handbook for Adults

To register, please fill in the online Registration Form. For payment information, see Fees.

The purpose of suffering

I am looking forward to continuing the story of my first vision fast, as I think sharing my experience might be helpful for people who are struggling with difficulties they have experienced on their own first fasts. Sometimes it is good to hear others’ stories.

First, though, I’d like to share some thoughts on the purpose of suffering that is caused by the physical discomforts of the vision fast. I have been thinking about this subject in response to a reader who wrote to me and asked about the purpose of “abusing the body through sensory deprivation or excessive fasting and weight loss.”

I trained through the School of Lost Borders, where people always are encouraged to bring some food with them on the vision fast if necessary for their physical well-being. For example, on one fast I took along some crackers to eat because I was taking ibuprofen for a strained shoulder, and the pain-killer could be too hard on my stomach when taken without food. The first priority is always the person’s safety. For people who are going out on a fast, I advise you to listen to your inner guidance, to make sure you say and get what you need. I encourage you to raise your questions with the guides who lead your program. I know they will want to hear about your concerns and questions.

The significance of enduring suffering during a rite of passage might be difficult to understand from our Western view where physical comfort is paramount. Before I get to why it might actually be beneficial to suffer, I’d like to mention a few factors to consider before undertaking a vision fast. First, it is always up to the individual to determine what is right for her. I think that if a person has experienced physical abuse or other types of physical trauma, then enduring physical suffering in a rite of passage could be re-traumatizing, and would probably not be appropriate. So there is this aspect to consider. Also, a person’s physical condition is a factor to consider, and guides should always confer with a participant to ensure the physical difficulties won’t be too much for a person. In my programs there is a health questionnaire to fill out, which is designed to determine if there are any physical factors that might make fasting or hiking harmful for a person. We also spend a lot of time teaching participants how to stay safe on their fast, including staying found, drinking enough water, and protecting oneself from the elements. We also use a buddy system to check in on a person each day, without having actual contact, so that we know each person is safe.

Second, the next thing to consider is a person’s psychological well-being. A person has to have a well-established ego structure in order to endure the difficulties of a fast and benefit from them. The point of the trials of the fast is to help dissolve the ego structure, at least for a while, so that different views of reality can be glimpsed. If a person’s ego structure is not secure enough, this would be too challenging and dangerous.

If the faster does have the physical and psychological strength to endure a fast, then there can be benefits to the physical suffering that can occur with fasting. I have found that the first thing I needed to face on my first fast was all of my fears. I didn’t like being uncomfortable, and worried about my physical safety in many ways; that the fasting would harm me, that I would get sick, that the wind would carry my tarp away, that there would be a terrible rainstorm and I would get soaked and get hypothermia, that lightning would strike and kill me, that I would go crazy, and that I would be too weak to walk back to basecamp with all my gear. After a while I saw how much I was afraid of so many things. This was a revelation and one of the gifts of my first fast. Before now I had always hidden the awareness of my fears from myself. I was too afraid to admit I was afraid! During this first fast (and in later ones) I had some encounters with rabbits, and this was a spirit animal that came to me to reflect my fears. I keep a little rabbit finger puppet near my desk to remind me of this teaching.

Dis-identification with the physical body can be another purpose of the physical deprivation of a vision fast. Although it can seem life-or-death, fasting for three days never did kill anyone, so far as I know. Learning that we are more than our physical bodies, through getting past the physical discomfort, is a blessing. We are more than our physical bodies. If we are fortunate enough to realize this during a vision fast, it is a learning that will enrich us for the rest of our lives.

There is also an altered state that can occur through fasting, which allows the ego structure to soften so that we are more available to be impacted by the natural world around us. I think this is the main purpose of the vision fast. It is to help us get out of our daily mind and habits, so that we can see other aspects of reality that are real, but that don’t reveal themselves as easily while we are preoccupied with our daily lives. This could be in the form of contact with animals, rocks, trees, wind, sky, or any other aspect of nature, in such a way that we become aware of our interconnection and the support that is always there for us in nature. It could be in the form of an inner experience of our true nature, such as deep peace or complete love. It could be as simple as seeing a life situation from a new perspective, or letting go of an old self-limiting belief. In the magical place that can be created by your intention of doing the vision fast, exactly what you need right now in your life is what occurs.

This has certainly been true for me and for the people I have been honoured to guide.

Another aspect of fasting, which sometimes occurs, is shakiness. This is normal, and it is definitely more difficult to function when on a vision fast. The hike back to base camp with all of one’s gear can be very difficult. And this difficulty varies from fast to fast. There is no predicting how a particular fast will impact us, or what our experience will be. However, sometimes with the physical symptoms of weakness and shakiness can come an inner experience of lightness and clarity. I have found that hunger usually passes quite quickly. But it can definitely be scary to experience the physical weakness and shakiness.

The vision fast is a rite of passage. In ancient times, in some forms of the wilderness solo, there was a real chance of death. When the faster returned to her or his people, they had proven themselves and entered into adulthood, often with a vision that would guide them for the course of their lives. In modern times, the fasters I have witnessed have connected with their inner strength and confidence through enduring the difficulties of the vision fast, including the loneliness, boredom, hunger, fear, physical weakness, and other forms of suffering they experienced. For some, this passage was the most difficult thing they had done in their lives. The benefit of passing through to the other side, and coming back to their people with the marks of this ceremony on their soul, was a tangible outcome.

A final aspect of the physical suffering, which I have especially experienced during the sweat lodges I have been in, is the aspect of being humbled. This was a profound experience for me. When the heat was so hot I couldn’t take it and had to lie on the ground in the dirt, I was humbled in such a way that my heart was opened to the suffering I have caused others, and I was transformed. The desire to be a better person that arose in me was a lasting force that helped me transform my relationships with the people who are most important to me. This doesn’t mean I agree with having so much steam in the sweat lodge that it is scalding my body! But it wasn’t as bad as it felt, and the impacts and benefits for me were enormous. It also felt very right to me to be in that sacred darkness, with the smell of the herbs on the rocks, and the glowing grandfather stones. However, sweat lodges are not part of the vision fast ceremony the way that the School of Lost Borders does it, and are not part of the vision fasts I conduct.

To sum up, I would say that the purpose of physical suffering in relation to the vision fast and other practices such as the sweat lodge is to help us get over our big selves! To wear away the crusty exterior shell, so that we can be touched and blessed by the grace of the true nature of reality—a blessing as fresh and pure as a gentle rain. We do these things because we want to have a taste of transcendence. The physical suffering is the admission price.

Next steps on Decision Road

Today I’d like to pick up the story of my journey to my first vision fast. When I left you last time, I had set out on the road trip to Boulder, Colorado, for a week-long intensive at Naropa University, prior to going with my classmates to our vision fast site in Wyoming.

The first night of my trip I had camped in BC. The next day I travelled through Idaho, finishing the day at a Super 8 Motel in White Hall, Montana. Bad idea! It was a tough day overall, as I passed a total of three dead deer by the highway. I was exhausted by the time I reached White Hall, and thought I’d treat myself to a motel room rather than camping. I checked in after midnight. I was relieved to just be able to crawl into bed, but I soon found that I felt itchy and creepy. I looked more closely under the sheets and saw bedbugs. Gross! I still feel itchy just remembering this event that took place 6 years ago!

I brought in my sleeping bag from the car, and slept on the floor. I woke at 6:00 am and wanted to hit the road right away. I left a note for the manager, with a sample bedbug on a kleenex, asking for my money to be refunded. The office didn’t open until 8:00 am, and I didn’t want to wait around, so I packed to go, carefully shaking all my belongings to make sure I didn’t carry any of the bedbugs on my journey. (Needless to say, I never heard a word from the Motel 8 manager, and my money was not refunded on my credit card.) Perhaps this event was one of the heroic ordeals that the adventurer must pass through on the journey to the treasure!

The next day’s drive was better, and I paused to visit with flowers and a Russian olive tree on the way. The Russian olive tree is a survivor, and it reminds me of my family’s history. Transplanted in the new world and finding nourishment, even thriving. I saw a prairie dog, lots of magpies, and 3 antelope. I’d never seen antelope before, so this was a special treat. I was driving through the grasslands of Wyoming. The land was so beautiful, but it saddened me that all the fields were fenced off and “owned.” Although the rain continued, the soft mist felt like a gentle holding, palpable, soft, and loving.

I reached my friend Tom’s place near Boulder by 7:30 pm, in plenty of time to settle in, pitch my tarp in the back yard, have a shower, and rest from the journey before class started the next morning.

The week at Naropa sped by, with each thought, dream, and learning seeming to have significance for the upcoming vision fast. So much was new and unfamiliar, it allowed me to open to new parts of myself. I dreamt that one of my teachers was in the back yard at Tom’s with me, whirling me around and hugging me. Energy and essence of many colours swirled around and through us as we whirled.

A classmate set me up on a blind date, and it was the perfect date. We had a delicious dinner at a restaurant in Boulder called Saffron (wonderful vegetarian food), and then happened upon an outdoor movie as we walked through the streets. It was The Motorcycle Diaries, a foreign film—the dramatization of a motorcycle road trip that Che Guevara went on in his youth that showed him his life’s calling. The theme of road trip as inner journey continues! I hoped that my upcoming vision fast would show me my life’s calling… To be continued…

Severance phase: setting out on Decision Road

John Boyer, one of our guides for the upcoming vision fast in Wyoming, taught us some aspects of the Lakota people’s vision quest ceremony. The first stage of the vision fast is called “Decision Road.” This is part of the severance or preparation phase, in which we make the decision to commit to the fast—to fasting for a vision for our people.

On June 10, 2005 I set out on the drive to Boulder, Colorado, where I would be meeting my classmates at Naropa University. I felt like I was truly on Decision Road. The sense of sacred ceremony that I had felt on the medicine walk lived in me still, and imbued my road trip with the same feeling of magic. Two nights previously I had a dream in which John had recognized my abilities and acknowledged them publicly to my people. There had been a romantic element in the dream as well, which had filled my heart with gladness. Although I forgot about the dream soon after, the sense of warm-heartedness from the dream also imbued my journey.

I left Monkey Valley at about 3 in the afternoon. As I drove east along Highway 3, I could feel my identities and attachments peeling away. I had a vision of cords dissolving—the cords that bind me to my people. It was dark when I decided to make camp at the Johnston Creek Provincial Campsite, about 45 minutes east of Osoyoos. I hadn’t made it out of BC yet, but luckily I wasn’t in a hurry. The campsite was near the highway, but there was a noisy creek between the campsite and the highway, which eliminated most of the traffic noise.

It only took me 35 minutes to set up camp in the dark, and in the rain! I was pleased. I used my car (the yellow Tracker), a picnic table, and two trees to hold up the tarp. I meditated in my car for 40 minutes, while it rained, and then tightened the tarp cords before climbing under and into my sleeping bag. I read in bed a little, and a moth came to visit, attracted by my flashlight. Then I saw a small mouse-like creature running silkenly towards me, then dart under the car. So I had a visit from mouse too! My dear friend.

I thought back over the trip so far. I’d been feeling a great deal of pleasure while I was driving, sometimes very intense. An intimate singing aliveness in my body. A short distance after Princeton I began to smell sage through the open car roof. I pulled over at the side of the road, and went to see it more closely. I gave Reiki to the sage and asked permission to take some of its leaves for sacred purposes. It smelled so good. I smelled each leaf as I picked it, and gave Reiki to each plant I picked from. As I left I picked up a piece of trash. I looked up and there were two rainbows hanging against the mountains across the highway. What a beautiful sight and gift! Then I saw that the driveway I’d parked on belonged to the Lower Similkameen Indian Band. These people had hunted and fished on the land at and around Monkey Valley. I felt that they were blessing my journey. A gift from my people! What a wonderful start to my trip. The rainbows lasted for a few minutes, and became double and triple rainbows—three or four of them as I drove along. Decision Road is the beauty way!

Fasting for a vision: naming my intentions

As I mentioned last time, writing a letter of intention was one of the preparation tasks in the severance phase of the vision fast. I wrote a 6-page letter and sent it to the two guides. Here I include the part where I focused on my hopes for the vision fast:

“When considering what I seek from the vision fast, my mind naturally turns to my desire for a strong, clear vision of my life’s purpose. What are my gifts? How can I best be of service? What is it I am here on this earth to do? To be? Certainly answering these questions is an ongoing, lived experience that is already underway.

“Perhaps there are harder questions that I need to bring to the vision fast. Questions like what prevents me from opening my heart to my direct experience? I long to let go of the habitual patterns of ego that keep me busy, planning, and unable to respond freely in the moment. These patterns also prevent me from being touched by what is happening in the moment. I noticed on a recent visit with my mother that I could see her vulnerability, and feel my love for her, yet my defensiveness prevented me from being fully present with her in a fresh way in the moment. I know these defenses were necessary, and served a purpose. What healing needs to occur within me to let go of them now? I want to be touched by my life and my interactions with others! I want to be open to people and to what is arising, not to act in the patterned ways of my ego. I long to be able to trust the moment. I want to know the open luminosity of my true nature. I have tastes of the incredible richness of the true nature of reality, yet so often my experience is dulled by the ego-supporting activities of my mind.

“I want to lay myself bare in the vision fast. To lay myself bare on the bare earth, and let everything that is not real be stripped away.

“I want to help the child part of me grow up in the vision fast. I have been independent and supporting myself for over twenty years, yet there is still the part of me that is hoping someone will come along and look after me. There is still the part of me that is looking for my father’s love. And maybe my mother’s too! I haven’t met my living partner yet, and this is something my heart longs for. I have a deep yearning for that, and a corresponding sadness. Somehow the two things seem interconnected—the fact that I haven’t let the little girl grow up, and the fact that I haven’t met my living partner. I understand that the vision fast is a rite of initiation that has the potential to grow me up. I state my intention to let the ritual transform me into a true adult. While honoring the gifts of the little girl. The possibility that she has gifts to offer didn’t occur to me until now.”

Reading this now, I smile at the self I was then, and the connection I have since shared with my little girl within, some of which I have shared on this blog. I celebrate the warm intimacy we share in my heart. I also smile because I still have many of the same questions about life purpose. I wonder if I will ever know the answers! To be continued.

Back from the desert

The School of Lost Borders California Fall Vision Fast was amazing! I was an assistant for the 11 fasters and the two incredible guides, Ruth and Larry. Some people marked their passage into adulthood, and others into elderhood. It was such an honour to witness the courage and vulnerability these fasters showed as they faced the unknown and went to fast alone in the desert.

Base camp with Ruth and Larry was so much fun, with gorgeous weather and very little wind. We were in the Eureka Valley, in foothills surrounding a big open bowl of flat desert floor. I had a few amazing runs there, as well as in the area around Big Pine, where we camped before and after the solo time. A night run as the moon was coming up out of the White and Inyo Mountains was incredible!

I’ll write more next week about the medicine walk I went on, for which Ruth and Larry helped me clarify the intention I brought to the desert, of working on anger. It was such a gift to work with these two guides, and I have a new grounding as a result of it. More to come…

Singing in the sweat lodge

As I mentioned earlier, there were four rounds in the sweat lodge: The first round was for calling in the ancestors and spirits. The second round was for praying. The third round was for healing. And the final round was the “going home” round. At the beginning of each round, more rocks were brought in. During the round, Munro used a dipper to scoop water from a bucket and splash it onto the rocks, creating steam and raising the heat in the lodge.

Each rock was blessed with herbs as it was brought in. Herbs commonly used are cedar, sweet grass, sage, lavender (for gentleness), copal (resin), and osha-root or bear root. Each has its own magical scent, but I found that the osha-root was especially captivating. I later learned that osha is associated with dreaming and helps one to realize that there is magic in everything, including each one of us. It helps to lift a veil between the conscious and unconscious worlds. Osha is a powerful, spicy-smelling root that was sometimes ingested to cause a sweat or fever that could release toxins from the body.

During the first round Munro taught us songs for welcoming in the spirits of the seven directions. Here is one of the songs. I have adapted the lyrics slightly. Each line is repeated twice.

Power in the East, standing there, we are humbly praying
Power in the South, standing there, we are humbly praying
Power in the West, standing there, we are humbly praying
Power in the North, standing there, we are humbly praying
Power in the Sky, standing there, we are humbly praying
Power in the Earth, lying there, we are humbly praying
Beloved in my heart, abiding there, we are humbly praying

When I was out on the vision fast, I added lines to pray for individual people:

I pray for Dorrie, I pray for Dorrie, I pray she is warm and safe, I pray she is warm and safe…

Another song he taught us is the Stone People song for honoring the grandfather stones:

Stone people, stone people
Stone people, stone people
You are the first people, thank you for coming, thank you for praying with us
Stone people, stone people

This is a great, simple song that can be adapted to honour all of the creatures in the natural world: tree people, cactus people, sky people, cloud people, grass people, ant people, and so on. I made up lots of different lyrics during my vision fast. Singing to the plants and animals is a way of opening my heart to connect with them and appreciate them. It is also a lot of fun!

The gift of fire

Meeting in Circle with the Wilderness Guides Council

Fire is the element of the east, the direction of springtime. When I first sat in circle at the Wilderness Guides Council, on Monday, April 13, I deliberately sat in the east. This is a part of the wheel that I am least comfortable in. Magic happens here, and the unpredictable, for it is in this direction that old forms are broken down so that something new can emerge. It is the direction of creativity, death and rebirth, and has the gift of vision of the eagle flying high in the sky.

I am typically more comfortable in the west, the place of introspection and darkness. So it felt risky to take my place in the east and own this part of my spirit. There were about 25 guides sitting in the circle, and I listened as they discussed the business of our annual meeting. Things like the budget and who would be carrying on which duties in the year to come. They have a “mask of the ancestors,” and one of the duties is to be the keeper of the mask. It is made out of the pelvic bone of a large animal, and is decorated with feathers and beads. The meeting lasted a long time—about 5 hours—and about 4 hours into it one of the feathers blew off the mask and landed in my lap. It was an orange flicker feather—which I have written about previously in this blog. This was the first magical gift of the east. It seemed like a blessing and confirmation that I am a member of this group. The ancestors confirmed it. And my own heart did too—sitting listening to these people who care about each other, the earth, and the sacred ceremony of the vision fast, I felt my own desire to continue on through time with these people. The gift of the feather confirmed it. I put the feather in my emergency kit, which I always carry with me when I’m out on the land. May it keep all the fasters safe!

The Sweat Lodge

After the Wilderness Guides Council (of North America) gathering ended, we had about 24 hours to prepare the grounds for the International Wilderness Guides Gathering—a week-long gathering of guides from around the world. I helped out a little, setting up the garbage and recycling bins. But the main thing I had volunteered to do was to help with the campfires, to make sure they were put out safely at the end of the night. But somehow this turned into a new job—helping tend the fire for the women’s sweat lodge, which was going to take place the following Saturday. What an honour! I agreed to help, and thought I’d better get an idea of what was involved. So I went to the first sweat of the IWGG gathering, held on Tuesday, April 14th. This was the second gift of the east.

Meeting the Grandfathers

When I got to the place of the sweat lodge, located under the magnificent oak trees, beside a creek, I sat down with the others who were waiting, took off my shoes, and nestled my toes into the sand. I had not been in a sweat lodge since about 1993, and I was looking forward to seeing how the heat felt to me now. Munro Sickafoose, the netkeeper for the WGC, was pouring water for the sweat. This meant he was running everything that happened inside the sweat lodge (from the human incarnate end—spirit was really running what happened). A beautiful man named Dirk Johnston was the firekeeper, who ran what happened outside of the sweat, preparing the fire to heat the rocks, and transporting them into the sweat lodge. These heated rocks are called the grandfathers, and the firekeeper communes with these rocks and in a sense is responsible for how the sweat goes. It is a sacred and mysterious duty.

It turned out that I was the oldest woman at the sweat lodge, so Munro asked me to sit beside him in the lodge, since his wife wasn’t there, and to put cedar on each grandfather stone as it came into the lodge. I felt very honoured to do this. We were taught what to say as we entered the lodge: Aho matakwe-asin! All my relations! After entering we crawled on our hands and knees in a clockwise direction to take our places around the edges of the lodge. There was a pit in the middle, ready to receive the grandfathers. When we were all inside, Munro asked Dirk to bring in 9 grandfathers. Dirk brought in the first rock, glowing red and clearly visible in the darkness of the sweat lodge. He said “Aho, matakwe-asin! Grandfather, come on in!” Munro guided the pitchfork and placed the rock in the pit in the middle. Now it was my job to sprinkle a little bit of dried cedar leaves on the rock. The herb sparkled as it struck the heated red stone, and the scent began to tickle our noses, creating an immediate feeling that something sacred was happening.

So it went, as Dirk brought each grandfather in. “Aho, matakwe-asin! Grandfather, come on in!” As I sprinkled the herb on each one, I offered a blessing to it. And I fell in love with these glowing grandfather rocks, and with this sacred ceremony from the first peoples of this land.

Munro told us there would be four rounds. The first round was for calling in the ancestors and spirits. The second round was for praying. The third round was for healing. And the final round was the “going home” round. At the beginning of each round, more rocks would be brought in. During the round, Munro would pour water on the rocks to create steam, increasing the heat in the sweat lodge. To be continued…

Learning and transformation — ouch!

I wasn’t always a happy camper at the 4th International Wilderness Guides Gathering, held in Arizona’s Chiricahua Mountains this April. Previous gatherings have been held in Germany, South Africa, and the UK. People from these countries attended, and many more besides. The gathering was hosted by the Wilderness Guides Council, a North American organization of which I am a member. It was wonderful to meet fellow guides, and to feel I belong to this group of people who are passionate about connecting with the earth and helping others undertake the rite of passage known as the vision fast or vision quest. However, there is a shadow side to every event, and any kind of learning and expansion frequently involves discomfort.

The next gathering, in 2012, will be in the Ukraine. It is wonderful to know that wilderness work is growing strong in many places around the world. The Ukrainians’ plea to host the next gathering was magical. Georgie drew the sign of the four directions in the earth, and it seemed obvious that the Ukraine is the place of the east, where the next gathering should be. Those present could clearly feel the strength of his desire to support wilderness work such as the vision quest to take root again in the Ukraine, where it has been virtually lost as a practice among the people there. It was very moving to witness the gathering of about 120 people sit in council together and reach the decision to meet in the Ukraine next time. Siberia is reputed to be the birthplace of shamanism, and my family has roots in the formerly German Mennonite community of Zaporojie, in the Ukraine, so I was especially moved to know that the guides of the world will gather there to help rebuild lost connections to the ways of the earth.

After the gathering, Tom Quinton (from Big Sur) offered a guides’ renewal fast, which I went to, and there the basecamp was also held by Gillian Wilton from South Africa, and Heorhiy (Georgie) Kushnir from the Ukraine. The nine guides fasting were from Canada, the UK, the US, the Ukraine, Germany, and Australia. Wow! Has such a thing ever happened before?

Over the next few weeks I will be writing about my experiences at the guides gathering and the renewal fast. I am going to begin with my first journal entry:

2009 April 12, after dark, everyone else asleep…

Here I am at the IWGG in a campground in the Chiricahua Mountains. At the moment I hate it. It’s very cold. There’s a bunch of people crowded into each campsite. Corinna is snoring away so I’ll have to wear earplugs. I just put them in but they haven’t fully expanded yet. Just as I was settling in I found a giant spider in my tent and had to remove it…

And thus the trip began with the discomfort that severance from the clean, familiar, and warm comforts of home always brings. This was the lesson I learned on one of the first medicine walks I ever did, and it continues to be something I forget and relearn. Spending time in nature, on uneven surfaces, with bugs and temperature fluctuations and prickly things, is UNCOMFORTABLE! Every time, I need to find a way to GET OVER IT! Afterwards I remember the beautiful connections with people and the land, the ceremonies, the animals, the inner growth. But at the time, I am mostly focused on the DISCOMFORT. I guess this is the way of the ego.

One last glimpse of winter

I seem to be a little reluctant to make the turn into spring. So here’s one last look at the winter of ’08. This is my sister Katherine, shoveling snow off the roof of her shed in Horsefly, BC. This picture was taken in March! That’s a lot of snow. That’s her dog, Sam, in the snow below.

I’m going to Arizona to meet with a gathering of wild folks who call themselves wilderness guides. The gathering is in the Chiricahua Mountains, in bear country! After the gathering I am staying to do a guides renewal fast. Four days and nights of fasting from human company, food, and built shelter. It feels like I have been going through the severance phase already, as I tied up all the loose ends here at home and prepared for the trip. Today after I dropped Donald off with friends who will be looking after him I noticed the sadness of leaving the familiar and comfortable behind. I missed my kitty!

Severance is an important step on the journey, because we have to let go of the familiar to leave an empty space for something new to emerge within us. But it is not a comfortable place to be in. Yet we must sever ourselves from our people to cross the threshold of the vision fast ceremony. We must leave the safety and comfort of the coccoon in order to grow, learn, and ultimately bring our gifts back to our people.

So I must sever from this blog until my return. Be well, dear readers, and may you blossom in the spring sunshine.