sweat lodge – Karen's New York Love Affair

Bikram yoga: the marathon of the yoga world

OMG. That was the first thing I said to my workmate Ritu in the locker room after the Bikram yoga class last night. I survived! We all survived!

By the second of the 26 poses I was beginning to have my doubts whether I would. Not due to the heat, which at the early part of the class just felt pleasant to me. But due to the pace. No offence to Ulrike, the amazing teacher of the class I attended at Bikram Yoga Vancouver’s Cambie location, but my first impression in the class was of boot camp with a sadistic drill sergeant! The pace was non-stop, with urgings to try harder and push, push, push! Ulrike kept up a constant flow of exhortations and precise, skilled instructions for 90 minutes—an amazing demonstration of expertise and love of yoga.

In spite of my initial misgivings and questioning of the sanity of myself and all those attending the class, I made it through to the end. There were 11 first-timers in the class with me, and probably about 30 students in total. Four of us were from Vancity, and two of my workmates have done Bikram yoga before, while two of us were new. The class was packed, and it just kept getting hotter.

Using stubborn will, I kept up with the pace and did all of the poses, though some in bent knee rather than straight leg form, due to my extreme lack of flexibility. And in some cases I needed to back out of the full version to an easier form due to cramping in my feet at one point, and my calf muscles at another point. The heat did help me go further and deeper into some of the poses than I’ve ever done before. It was satisfying to test myself and be pushed almost to my limits, though what kept me going was the mantra that once this was over I was never taking another Bikram class!

The first half of the class was standing poses, and the second half was seated or supine poses. You would think the second half would be easier, but it was not. By the last 30 minutes, the heat was unbelievable, and it began to resemble a sweat lodge, which is meant to be so hot it forces the participants to be humbled, submit, and lay on the floor crying for release. In the seated part of the Bikram series, there is a short period of savasana between each pose; probably about 15 seconds of resting on one’s back before doing a super-sit-up, turning around, and quickly getting into the next pose. It was during these resting periods that I questioned whether I would be able to keep going. The teacher said something wise at this point, which was that we actually only needed to rest for a few breaths in order to integrate the previous pose and recover in time for the next one. Without anticipating what was coming next, it was truly a moment of relishing rest and being fully in the present. I began to experience emotional release and open-heartedness during the resting phases. And it was incredible how the super-sit-up became a flow of lightness, with no effort at all.

I felt like the previous days of yoga for the Reach Out Challenge had prepared me well for the challenge of the Bikram yoga class. Like training for months for a half-marathon, and then really pushing myself on race day, going at a sub-six-minute pace rather than my fastest training pace of eight-minute kilometres! I don’t know how the other first-timers did it, or whether, like me, they had experience with other yoga forms before taking this class. If not, it would be like trying to run a marathon without any training.

So for me, the class was like a race that was the culmination of many months of work. I wouldn’t want to run a half-marathon 3 times a week, and I don’t think I would ever want to take Bikram classes 3 times a week. I prefer my slow, plodding runs, with moments of grace where I have a great run that takes me by surprise. And slow, contemplative yoga classes, where there is time for deep sensing and inner reflection. But obviously there are many finer athletes than me, in running and in the yoga world, and some people get into doing the class 3 or 5 times a week and no doubt live radiant lives because of it.

Thanks to my friends and family who have pledged 50 cents or a dollar or even two dollars a day for the 30-day Reach Out Challenge. The total pledges is now at $285 dollars! Almost at my goal of $300. If you haven’t done so and would like to sponsor me to raise money for Yoga Outreach, you can use the online donation link. Or phone me at 604.251.6337 or send an email to kyrempel@gmail.com. Thanks!

The purpose of suffering

I am looking forward to continuing the story of my first vision fast, as I think sharing my experience might be helpful for people who are struggling with difficulties they have experienced on their own first fasts. Sometimes it is good to hear others’ stories.

First, though, I’d like to share some thoughts on the purpose of suffering that is caused by the physical discomforts of the vision fast. I have been thinking about this subject in response to a reader who wrote to me and asked about the purpose of “abusing the body through sensory deprivation or excessive fasting and weight loss.”

I trained through the School of Lost Borders, where people always are encouraged to bring some food with them on the vision fast if necessary for their physical well-being. For example, on one fast I took along some crackers to eat because I was taking ibuprofen for a strained shoulder, and the pain-killer could be too hard on my stomach when taken without food. The first priority is always the person’s safety. For people who are going out on a fast, I advise you to listen to your inner guidance, to make sure you say and get what you need. I encourage you to raise your questions with the guides who lead your program. I know they will want to hear about your concerns and questions.

The significance of enduring suffering during a rite of passage might be difficult to understand from our Western view where physical comfort is paramount. Before I get to why it might actually be beneficial to suffer, I’d like to mention a few factors to consider before undertaking a vision fast. First, it is always up to the individual to determine what is right for her. I think that if a person has experienced physical abuse or other types of physical trauma, then enduring physical suffering in a rite of passage could be re-traumatizing, and would probably not be appropriate. So there is this aspect to consider. Also, a person’s physical condition is a factor to consider, and guides should always confer with a participant to ensure the physical difficulties won’t be too much for a person. In my programs there is a health questionnaire to fill out, which is designed to determine if there are any physical factors that might make fasting or hiking harmful for a person. We also spend a lot of time teaching participants how to stay safe on their fast, including staying found, drinking enough water, and protecting oneself from the elements. We also use a buddy system to check in on a person each day, without having actual contact, so that we know each person is safe.

Second, the next thing to consider is a person’s psychological well-being. A person has to have a well-established ego structure in order to endure the difficulties of a fast and benefit from them. The point of the trials of the fast is to help dissolve the ego structure, at least for a while, so that different views of reality can be glimpsed. If a person’s ego structure is not secure enough, this would be too challenging and dangerous.

If the faster does have the physical and psychological strength to endure a fast, then there can be benefits to the physical suffering that can occur with fasting. I have found that the first thing I needed to face on my first fast was all of my fears. I didn’t like being uncomfortable, and worried about my physical safety in many ways; that the fasting would harm me, that I would get sick, that the wind would carry my tarp away, that there would be a terrible rainstorm and I would get soaked and get hypothermia, that lightning would strike and kill me, that I would go crazy, and that I would be too weak to walk back to basecamp with all my gear. After a while I saw how much I was afraid of so many things. This was a revelation and one of the gifts of my first fast. Before now I had always hidden the awareness of my fears from myself. I was too afraid to admit I was afraid! During this first fast (and in later ones) I had some encounters with rabbits, and this was a spirit animal that came to me to reflect my fears. I keep a little rabbit finger puppet near my desk to remind me of this teaching.

Dis-identification with the physical body can be another purpose of the physical deprivation of a vision fast. Although it can seem life-or-death, fasting for three days never did kill anyone, so far as I know. Learning that we are more than our physical bodies, through getting past the physical discomfort, is a blessing. We are more than our physical bodies. If we are fortunate enough to realize this during a vision fast, it is a learning that will enrich us for the rest of our lives.

There is also an altered state that can occur through fasting, which allows the ego structure to soften so that we are more available to be impacted by the natural world around us. I think this is the main purpose of the vision fast. It is to help us get out of our daily mind and habits, so that we can see other aspects of reality that are real, but that don’t reveal themselves as easily while we are preoccupied with our daily lives. This could be in the form of contact with animals, rocks, trees, wind, sky, or any other aspect of nature, in such a way that we become aware of our interconnection and the support that is always there for us in nature. It could be in the form of an inner experience of our true nature, such as deep peace or complete love. It could be as simple as seeing a life situation from a new perspective, or letting go of an old self-limiting belief. In the magical place that can be created by your intention of doing the vision fast, exactly what you need right now in your life is what occurs.

This has certainly been true for me and for the people I have been honoured to guide.

Another aspect of fasting, which sometimes occurs, is shakiness. This is normal, and it is definitely more difficult to function when on a vision fast. The hike back to base camp with all of one’s gear can be very difficult. And this difficulty varies from fast to fast. There is no predicting how a particular fast will impact us, or what our experience will be. However, sometimes with the physical symptoms of weakness and shakiness can come an inner experience of lightness and clarity. I have found that hunger usually passes quite quickly. But it can definitely be scary to experience the physical weakness and shakiness.

The vision fast is a rite of passage. In ancient times, in some forms of the wilderness solo, there was a real chance of death. When the faster returned to her or his people, they had proven themselves and entered into adulthood, often with a vision that would guide them for the course of their lives. In modern times, the fasters I have witnessed have connected with their inner strength and confidence through enduring the difficulties of the vision fast, including the loneliness, boredom, hunger, fear, physical weakness, and other forms of suffering they experienced. For some, this passage was the most difficult thing they had done in their lives. The benefit of passing through to the other side, and coming back to their people with the marks of this ceremony on their soul, was a tangible outcome.

A final aspect of the physical suffering, which I have especially experienced during the sweat lodges I have been in, is the aspect of being humbled. This was a profound experience for me. When the heat was so hot I couldn’t take it and had to lie on the ground in the dirt, I was humbled in such a way that my heart was opened to the suffering I have caused others, and I was transformed. The desire to be a better person that arose in me was a lasting force that helped me transform my relationships with the people who are most important to me. This doesn’t mean I agree with having so much steam in the sweat lodge that it is scalding my body! But it wasn’t as bad as it felt, and the impacts and benefits for me were enormous. It also felt very right to me to be in that sacred darkness, with the smell of the herbs on the rocks, and the glowing grandfather stones. However, sweat lodges are not part of the vision fast ceremony the way that the School of Lost Borders does it, and are not part of the vision fasts I conduct.

To sum up, I would say that the purpose of physical suffering in relation to the vision fast and other practices such as the sweat lodge is to help us get over our big selves! To wear away the crusty exterior shell, so that we can be touched and blessed by the grace of the true nature of reality—a blessing as fresh and pure as a gentle rain. We do these things because we want to have a taste of transcendence. The physical suffering is the admission price.

Praying for the non-religious

Continuing with the story of the sweat lodge, one of the elements that was very moving was the praying. As a person who doesn’t follow a Christian tradition, prayer has often seemed impossible for me to do. If I don’t have a god I believe in, how can I pray?

In the sweat lodge, I found that participants pray in many different ways. Some are Christian and pray to god, some pray to great spirit or creator, some pray to the spirits of the directions, or to the ancestors. The invitation is to pray, but there is no designated entity to whom we pray. For me this frees the act of prayer from its connection to Christianity, and allows the intention of the prayer to emerge more clearly. The act of praying opens one’s heart through having good wishes for the well-being of oneself or another.

In Buddhism, the practice of maitri or metta is similar; it is a prayer for oneself, others, and all beings to be happy and free from suffering. This type of practice is usually done in stages, beginning with oneself, and moving on to those we feel appreciation towards, friends and family, those we are neutral towards, those we find difficult, and then towards all beings.

In the sweat lodge, I didn’t consciously choose this progression of people to pray for, but found myself spontaneously praying for a friend who was dying of cancer, and then members of my family, people I had fasted with, and my spiritual teachers. I felt moved to be praying for people and expressing my caring for them in this way, but what was really astonishing was when I prayed for people that I had a problem with. By allowing myself to feel caring for the health and well-being of people whom I felt had hurt me, my heart opened in a new and surprising way. I felt myself to be much bigger than the small, hurt self I had taken myself to be in the interaction when I felt hurt. Instead, I was a more expansive being who was big enough to offer prayer for my teachers! And from this expansive place, forgiveness occurred. Later I noticed a shift in my feelings towards those I felt had hurt me; the reactive charge was gone.

This remarkable, unforeseen outcome of prayer was one of the many gifts I received in the sweat lodge.

Here is a prayer for at the end of life, or perhaps for when one faces the symbolic death of the vision fast:

Great Spirit

when we face the sunset

when we come singing

the last song, may it be

without shame, singing

“It is finished in beauty,

it is finished in beauty!”

– Evelyn Eaton, I Send a Voice

Singing in the sweat lodge

As I mentioned earlier, there were four rounds in the sweat lodge: The first round was for calling in the ancestors and spirits. The second round was for praying. The third round was for healing. And the final round was the “going home” round. At the beginning of each round, more rocks were brought in. During the round, Munro used a dipper to scoop water from a bucket and splash it onto the rocks, creating steam and raising the heat in the lodge.

Each rock was blessed with herbs as it was brought in. Herbs commonly used are cedar, sweet grass, sage, lavender (for gentleness), copal (resin), and osha-root or bear root. Each has its own magical scent, but I found that the osha-root was especially captivating. I later learned that osha is associated with dreaming and helps one to realize that there is magic in everything, including each one of us. It helps to lift a veil between the conscious and unconscious worlds. Osha is a powerful, spicy-smelling root that was sometimes ingested to cause a sweat or fever that could release toxins from the body.

During the first round Munro taught us songs for welcoming in the spirits of the seven directions. Here is one of the songs. I have adapted the lyrics slightly. Each line is repeated twice.

Power in the East, standing there, we are humbly praying
Power in the South, standing there, we are humbly praying
Power in the West, standing there, we are humbly praying
Power in the North, standing there, we are humbly praying
Power in the Sky, standing there, we are humbly praying
Power in the Earth, lying there, we are humbly praying
Beloved in my heart, abiding there, we are humbly praying

When I was out on the vision fast, I added lines to pray for individual people:

I pray for Dorrie, I pray for Dorrie, I pray she is warm and safe, I pray she is warm and safe…

Another song he taught us is the Stone People song for honoring the grandfather stones:

Stone people, stone people
Stone people, stone people
You are the first people, thank you for coming, thank you for praying with us
Stone people, stone people

This is a great, simple song that can be adapted to honour all of the creatures in the natural world: tree people, cactus people, sky people, cloud people, grass people, ant people, and so on. I made up lots of different lyrics during my vision fast. Singing to the plants and animals is a way of opening my heart to connect with them and appreciate them. It is also a lot of fun!

Postscript to perfect pedicure: parking ticket!

That about sums it up. The incident I mentioned earlier about the unsatisfactory pedicure had a reverberation through time, namely a $75 parking ticket. The appointment had run over the scheduled time (torture can be time consuming), and my parking had run out. Unbeknownst to me, because the ticket wasn’t on my windshield when I got to the car, I had been issued a parking ticket within 11 minutes of the time expiring… Someone must have taken it to put on their own car.

I am never parking in that lot again, I swear. This is the second time I’ve gotten a ticket there. Anyway, a phone call talked the charge from $75 to $45, but it was a painful postscript to a disagreeable episode.

C’est la vie, especially to one who is prone to irritation and reactivity!

Anyway, in more cheerful news, I am going to a sweat lodge in Marysville, WA on Wednesday, and will pick up the thread of the sweat lodges at the Wilderness Guides Gathering soon.

Sweat lodges, vision fasts, smudging with herbs: whose practices are these?

As I continue to tell you the story of the sacred time in the sweat lodge, I am troubled by a recurring theme that has arisen over the years, about cultural appropriation, or misappropriation. I just came across this article from 1993 in the New York Times, Spiritual Seekers Borrow Indians’ Ways.

Clearly, this has been an issue for much longer than 16 years. Tibetan Buddhism borrowed from the earlier nature-based tradition called Bon, appropriating symbolism and ritual practices from Tibetan peoples into this branch of Buddhism. Early Christianity appropriated pagan symbols and ritual into Christian practices. Throughout history, conquerors have incorporated spiritual and cultural elements from the people they conquer. It is a method that helps to overcome the conquered people, and it is also a form of theft. And, it is part of the mysterious process of combining different groups of people together into something new. This happens also through the intermarriage and mixing of blood of the two peoples.

Then there is the question of reincarnation! When I was learning yoga, I had the definite feeling that I was doing something very familiar, and I knew that I must have lived in India in a previous life and practiced yoga then. If so, as a Caucasion woman born in Canada, of German Mennonite parentage, is it cultural misappropriation to teach yoga to others? Or do I have a legitimate claim to this teaching, through my own past life knowledge?! This is a delightful idea to contemplate, in part because I know how ridiculous it will seem to some readers, for numerous reasons.

I have a similar feeling of homecoming when I sit in circle on the earth, and the sage bowl is passed around to purify each person in the circle. I feel I have landed. My heart opens to the earth and the people in the circle, but also to something even bigger. Perhaps it is to a stream of history, people, and events that have gone before. Perhaps it is to the beloved mystery that is the oneness of the universe that we live in. Something about this sacred practice of purifying with sage brings a feeling of lightness and connection into my soul.

When I studied ecopsychology at Naropa University, we had a short course on cultural misappropriation, to make us aware of this danger. We were encouraged to study our own family and culture’s ancient traditions. I know that for me, with German Mennonite heritage on both sides, I have been influenced by this flavour of the sacred. The strongest value I am aware of, the defining characteristic of the Mennonites, is the practice of non-violence. The refusal to fight in wars. And stories about how my ancestors have followed or failed to follow this practice were told to me as a child. It is one of the strongest values I hold today, yet the way that I really learned to practice it was through the practice of ahimsa or non-harming that I was exposed to when I attended a Buddhist Vipassana meditation retreat and when I studied to be a yoga teacher!

I personally cannot identify as a Christian, whether Mennonite or otherwise. Too much harm has been done in the name of Christianity. Too many wars have been fought, and people and cultures destroyed by the followers of this religion. The idea that a single book contains all that is true, which is used as a weapon of hatred and suppression against people who are different (women, people of colour, lesbians and gays), is crazy! So when enjoined to look at my own family and culture’s traditions, at first I come up against a block. But if I look a little further, the picture opens up. If I look at my extended family, which includes relatives by marriage, I find we are German Canadian, Chinese Canadian, African Canadian, Italian Canadian, Austrian Canadian, and First Nations. I have American relatives too. And these are just the connections that I know about. The deeper truth is of a global connection and interconnection.

And I believe this is also true of earth-based practices. Before the advent of the monotheistic religions of Judeo-Christianity and Islam, which are only a few thousand years old—much younger than the lifetime of humanity—people lived on the land and practiced sacred rites that fostered connection to each other and the land. Sitting in circle. Sitting on the earth. Fasting alone in the wilderness. Smudging with herbs (think of the use of incense in Catholic rituals if you doubt what I am saying about appropriating the practices of earlier sacred rituals). Building stone circles. All peoples in all lands have done these things. It is in our DNA as people on this planet to resonate with these ancient ways. These ways belong to all of us.

That is one part of the picture. Another part is that the sweat lodge ceremony that I will be writing about comes from the First Nations and Native American people of this continent. Some of the words are from the language of the Lakota people. Aho matakwe-asin! All my relations! It opens my heart to hear these words, and to say them.

The ways and values of the people who are still close to the land are ways we all must learn, if we are going to stop the destruction of the earth in time to make continued life on earth possible for the species that remain. May it be so.

This doesn’t mean everyone should go to a sweat lodge, or on a vision fast. But it does mean everyone needs to understand that we are interconnected, with each other and with the earth. We are interdependent. I just came across information about a workshop that helps modern, “scientifically-minded” people to understand this! Originally developed for the World Wildlife Fund, this workshop is unlike any other you may have experienced. In a few short hours, you will develop a deep appreciation of the complex links between diverse global issues such as population, wealth, consumption, pollution, climate change, natural resources, species extinction, and even war. More importantly, you will learn what we can do as individuals and as a society to build a truly sustainable future. The May 21 evening workshop is called Systems Thinking… About Our World. Check it out!

The gift of fire

Meeting in Circle with the Wilderness Guides Council

Fire is the element of the east, the direction of springtime. When I first sat in circle at the Wilderness Guides Council, on Monday, April 13, I deliberately sat in the east. This is a part of the wheel that I am least comfortable in. Magic happens here, and the unpredictable, for it is in this direction that old forms are broken down so that something new can emerge. It is the direction of creativity, death and rebirth, and has the gift of vision of the eagle flying high in the sky.

I am typically more comfortable in the west, the place of introspection and darkness. So it felt risky to take my place in the east and own this part of my spirit. There were about 25 guides sitting in the circle, and I listened as they discussed the business of our annual meeting. Things like the budget and who would be carrying on which duties in the year to come. They have a “mask of the ancestors,” and one of the duties is to be the keeper of the mask. It is made out of the pelvic bone of a large animal, and is decorated with feathers and beads. The meeting lasted a long time—about 5 hours—and about 4 hours into it one of the feathers blew off the mask and landed in my lap. It was an orange flicker feather—which I have written about previously in this blog. This was the first magical gift of the east. It seemed like a blessing and confirmation that I am a member of this group. The ancestors confirmed it. And my own heart did too—sitting listening to these people who care about each other, the earth, and the sacred ceremony of the vision fast, I felt my own desire to continue on through time with these people. The gift of the feather confirmed it. I put the feather in my emergency kit, which I always carry with me when I’m out on the land. May it keep all the fasters safe!

The Sweat Lodge

After the Wilderness Guides Council (of North America) gathering ended, we had about 24 hours to prepare the grounds for the International Wilderness Guides Gathering—a week-long gathering of guides from around the world. I helped out a little, setting up the garbage and recycling bins. But the main thing I had volunteered to do was to help with the campfires, to make sure they were put out safely at the end of the night. But somehow this turned into a new job—helping tend the fire for the women’s sweat lodge, which was going to take place the following Saturday. What an honour! I agreed to help, and thought I’d better get an idea of what was involved. So I went to the first sweat of the IWGG gathering, held on Tuesday, April 14th. This was the second gift of the east.

Meeting the Grandfathers

When I got to the place of the sweat lodge, located under the magnificent oak trees, beside a creek, I sat down with the others who were waiting, took off my shoes, and nestled my toes into the sand. I had not been in a sweat lodge since about 1993, and I was looking forward to seeing how the heat felt to me now. Munro Sickafoose, the netkeeper for the WGC, was pouring water for the sweat. This meant he was running everything that happened inside the sweat lodge (from the human incarnate end—spirit was really running what happened). A beautiful man named Dirk Johnston was the firekeeper, who ran what happened outside of the sweat, preparing the fire to heat the rocks, and transporting them into the sweat lodge. These heated rocks are called the grandfathers, and the firekeeper communes with these rocks and in a sense is responsible for how the sweat goes. It is a sacred and mysterious duty.

It turned out that I was the oldest woman at the sweat lodge, so Munro asked me to sit beside him in the lodge, since his wife wasn’t there, and to put cedar on each grandfather stone as it came into the lodge. I felt very honoured to do this. We were taught what to say as we entered the lodge: Aho matakwe-asin! All my relations! After entering we crawled on our hands and knees in a clockwise direction to take our places around the edges of the lodge. There was a pit in the middle, ready to receive the grandfathers. When we were all inside, Munro asked Dirk to bring in 9 grandfathers. Dirk brought in the first rock, glowing red and clearly visible in the darkness of the sweat lodge. He said “Aho, matakwe-asin! Grandfather, come on in!” Munro guided the pitchfork and placed the rock in the pit in the middle. Now it was my job to sprinkle a little bit of dried cedar leaves on the rock. The herb sparkled as it struck the heated red stone, and the scent began to tickle our noses, creating an immediate feeling that something sacred was happening.

So it went, as Dirk brought each grandfather in. “Aho, matakwe-asin! Grandfather, come on in!” As I sprinkled the herb on each one, I offered a blessing to it. And I fell in love with these glowing grandfather rocks, and with this sacred ceremony from the first peoples of this land.

Munro told us there would be four rounds. The first round was for calling in the ancestors and spirits. The second round was for praying. The third round was for healing. And the final round was the “going home” round. At the beginning of each round, more rocks would be brought in. During the round, Munro would pour water on the rocks to create steam, increasing the heat in the sweat lodge. To be continued…