Wild Women – Page 10 – Karen's New York Love Affair

Part 1: I heard the owl call the chefs’ names

Something quite wonderful happened on my run in the Seymour Forest on Wednesday night that I must tell you about. I did a 90-minute run along the Seymour River, where I always finish by coming up a steep 1 KM trail called the Homestead Trail. There is a bend in the trail near the top, right before the steepest section, with a creek bed that is usually dry but very green and filled with ferns. The trees are very old here, some of them huge, and the clear forest floor is red from the accumulation of dry pine needles. It is a beautiful spot on the run. As I was coming up to this spot I was thinking about the idea of Joe and Wahl doing the cooking at the ChiRunning and Yoga Retreat next year, turning it over in my mind.

Suddenly, as I neared the bend, a great grey owl flew over my head! It wasn’t totally silent, otherwise I wouldn’t have heard it… It came to rest on a branch overhead, and I stopped to say hello and thank it for its presence. It was dusk, so I couldn’t see details clearly, but the owl seemed to be grey, rounded head (no visible ear tufts like the great horned owl), with lighter feathers at the bottom of the tail. The owl looked at me for a long time, and after a while it made a sound like FFFFFsh. and then I heard another sound behind me. I looked, but couldn’t see what had made the sound. Then I realized there was a second great grey owl behind me!

I hung out with them both for about 10 minutes. They flew around a bit, coming closer to me to get a better look! Silent, puffy flight, but noise hopping from a branch to a lower branch, and once or twice noise opening their wings. One time I looked at one and the other one flew away without me hearing a thing. But they seemed interested in me, flew to nearer branches, both looked at me. They also both flew at each other and dislocated the roosting one from a branch. It was such a wonderful gift!

For reasons which I can’t reveal here, it was obvious that nature was providing a very clear answer to the question about the chefs. Joe and Wahl absolutely must come and do the cooking next time! Grey owl said so! 🙂 And I was thrilled both to have this magical encounter, and to have what I thought was a very clear answer to a question, for a change! To be continued…

Photo © LaClocheGallery.com. Used with permission.

Klondike Road Relay: The madness continues!

Well, folks, I’ve signed up for the running adventure of a lifetime! My friend Gordon sponsors a team for the Klondike Road Relay, and he has invited me to join the team this year. The race takes place on September 10 – 11, beginning at 7 PM in Skagway, Alaska, and finishing some 20 hours later in Whitehorse, Yukon Territory! The race covers 176.5 KM, with 10 legs varying from 9 to 25.6 KM. Teams can vary from 6 to 10 members.

I will be running leg 4 of the race, which is 21 KM long. This leg will begin at about 1:00 AM at the Canada Customs post between Alaska and BC, and will finish at Tutshi Lake. Gordon ran this leg last year (he’s run 8 of the 10 legs so far), and said it’s mostly downhill. Uh huh! Well, sounds good to me. There’s nothing like running through the wilderness in the dark!

This relay race has been going since 1982, with a really big turnout in 1998, the centennial of the Gold Rush Stampede. In 1998 there were 161 teams. Unlike in the actual stampede, we will not be required to run with 1,000 pounds of gear on our back!

There’s 10 weeks until the race, and I’ve prepared a great training schedule for myself. My sister Kim, who is doing a master’s degree in psychology, suggested I conduct a single-subject study on endorphin release during distance running. So I will be keeping track of how happy I feel as this training progresses! Yes, running can lead to an altered state, which is why a lot of us do it. (Plus we get to eat all the chocolate we want!) I’ll keep you posted.

Blown away by my own incredibleness

How’s that for a brag! I think this time I have earned the right to boast. I’m 44 years old. I smoked very heavily for 25 of those years. I never thought I would beat the 1-hour mark for a 10K run. And my time last night on the Longest Day Run was 55:50! Oh My God!!! Valley Girl squeals!!!

I wasn’t trying that hard. I started slow, trying to keep to a comfortable pace. I positioned myself up near the front, so I wouldn’t have the problem of having to pass people constantly. Instead, for the first minute or two people were passing me. But this was a totally different race than the international event of the Vancouver marathon. It had a grassroots, community feel, and the numbers of people were much lower. So I didn’t have the same issue with being crowded. Most of the course was very spacious, except for one short bit where the width was just two runners wide. Anyway, trying to go slow, I found that my time for the first 1K was 5:45. Not slow! (For someone who has a 7 minute per KM training pace, and a half-marathon pace of 6 minutes per KM.)

As the kilometres ticked out I noticed that I was sustaining a pace that was well under 6 minutes, which meant that unless something unforeseen happened, I was going to beat the 1 hour mark. I guess this kept my effort strong. I was pushing myself beyond a comfortable pace, it’s true, but also enjoying the beauty of the sunshine, the sky, and the UBC campus. I felt kindly towards my fellow runners, for the most part. Much less reactivity than in the last race. (One incident, which I will relate soon, was an exception to this!)

In the second half of a race I always feel more confident, as I’ve made it halfway and know I can do the same again. Since I was already running so strongly there wasn’t as much room to increase my pace in the second half, but I started using the focuses I’d learned at Angela’s ChiRunning workshop. Lifting my feet to kick them up behind, feeling a lightness and looseness in my stride (a smooth-moving organism, with no hitches or glitches, just effortless freedom of movement). I also used the eyes-ahead focus, looking on runners ahead of me rather than at the ground. And strangely enough, this drew me forward to pass the runners ahead, over and over… At one point an eagle soared overhead, and that really seemed a blessing.

After I passed the 8KM mark I decided to hold nothing back, and ran even faster. I was right at that threshold of anaerobic activity, where I was working harder and using more oxygen than my body could take in. I love playing at that edge. And I must say, race time is the only time I get the chance to do it, as I can never run this fast when I’m on my own. A gift of the race, definitely. So for the last two kilometres I was really running hard, and then, I had my little moment of reactivity. Gliding along the sidewalk in that effortless smooth way, with other runners sparsely situated ahead and behind, someone from the 5K race (identified as such by a different bib colour) was walking up the race path in the opposite direction from the race. There was plenty of room on the grass beside the sidewalk, and room all around, so why was this guy walking on the racecourse? It felt like a disruption in the flow, and a lack of respect for the racers (and me in particular!), and it pissed me off.

As I passed him I couldn’t contain myself and I said “Arrogant prick.” I heard two women nearby snicker a bit. I felt a boost of adrenaline flood my body, and I was off, running even faster than before! At this point I was only a few hundred metres from the finish line, though I didn’t know it as I had missed seeing the 9K marker. I just let the extra energy move me on, speculating as I did so whether this was a positive thing or not. In that moment it felt pretty fucking good, let me tell you!

I came around a corner and heard the announcer and saw the finish line ahead. I could hear two women coming up behind me, and I just didn’t want to let them pass me. So I ran even harder, and discovered the incredible blessing of a grassy lane as the final stretch, right through the finish line. Wow! Running on the green earth. I gave everything I had, and I could see the time on the clock at the finish line as I got closer. It was 55 something! I pushed even harder, and I couldn’t help but say “Holy Shit!” as I ran under the Finish banner and saw that my time was under 56 minutes. Oh my god!!

I almost fainted from lack of oxygen, so walked around the big green grassy field for a while, getting my breath back and feeling the euphoria of knowing I’d done something I’d never thought I could do. What a great race! I loved everyone who was in it, and all the people who volunteered and put it on.

I usually like to leave right after a race, but this time I stayed. I talked to some other runners, and did my post-race yoga in the big grassy field. Then I partook of the amazing feast that the North Shore Credit Union and race organizers had put out. Beautiful fresh strawberries and watermelon, veggies, hot dogs and burgers, chips and cookies. People sat on the grass to eat, and cheered as the announcements were made about the race results. I sat on the grass and ate the food and enjoyed the bonhomie of this celebration of running, community, and the longest day of the year. Wonderful!

One added benefit of organized road races is that they always raise money for a worthy cause. This time it was to fund research for a cure for Juvenile Diabetes. So that’s another reason to feel good about doing this crazy thing called racing. I also wanted to mention to you the innovation in timing chips. The last few half-marathons I was in, the timing chips were disposable, which meant race volunteers didn’t need to cut the chip from our shoes and put them in a bucket. This time, the timing chip was built right into the race bib! It is amazing to consider that 10,000 years ago, humans were living a hunter-gatherer-fisher lifestyle. And now, this! Isn’t this world a strange and marvellous place? 😉

Running into summer

Well, I guess I’m a sucker. After my experience with the Vancouver Half Marathon 2010 I thought I might never go in another race again. But I’ve signed up for the Longest Day Road Race, a 10K run on Friday, June 18th. The unique thing about this race, besides the fact that it is in honour of the summer solstice, is that it takes place at 7 PM in the evening! Dusk is my favourite time of day to run, and I just decided to go for it.

Luckily it is a small race, so I may not have the same kind of frustration with the crowds that I described to you previously. It will also be another chance to practice equanimity. After attending Dan Brown’s meditation retreat in Vancouver, followed by another Diamond Approach weekend, I have noticed my reactivity has subsided substantially. This relief from suffering was something that Dan promised on the first day of the retreat, and it is really true—experiencing and understanding reality through the meditation practices that he taught have caused a major shift in my reactivity. Along with that has come a new gentleness towards myself, whatever I might be experiencing. So if you ever get a chance to work with Dan Brown, I highly recommend it. It is a precious opportunity.

The Vancouver half-marathon, irritation, and relief from suffering

Followers of this blog might be wondering how the Vancouver half-marathon went, after my previous entries about the preparations and learnings along the way. The race itself occurred during a 4-day Diamond Approach Vancouver weekend that I was attending, which meant that I was in the “field of the teaching” while I was running the race. This meant that I was more open and sensitive than usual.

Does that mean I had a blissful race, wafting through the trees of Stanley Park, buoyed up by the nearby ocean waves? Hell no! It meant I was accutely aware of how my need for space and flow was constantly thwarted by the masses of people around and ahead of me. I experienced a continual sense of frustration for most of the race. Because I was in a heightened state of awareness, the frustration seemed even more painful than usual, and I noticed how my mind kept generating reactive comments about the people in front of me who were IN MY WAY!!

As I noticed this judgmental, hateful thought stream that my mind kept generating, I felt powerless and despairing of ever being able to cease this painful activity. It seemed to be totally beyond my control, and out of control. I don’t want to be having thoughts like “Get the fuck out of my way!” all the time. Yet I have been doing inner work for many years, and these types of thoughts still do occur all the time.

After noticing this go on for a while, I decided to try something new, which was to feel kindness towards myself each time I had a judgmental or hateful thought about another person. I have been reading Pema Chödrön’s book Tonglen: The Path of Transformation, which teaches how to breathe painful states such as anger and hate into the heart, and breathe out light, love, compassion, and so on. So each time I had a judgmental thought, as the kilometres went by, I felt into my heart, with a sense of curiosity and kindness, to see how it felt as this was all happening. It felt quite hard and tight, but the experience of touching my heart with the kind, curious awareness added a feeling of warm intimacy with myself. I suspect that this is what I was really longing for, as well as the feeling of running at my ease and flowing. When people are packed so tight around me I feel claustrophobic and on hyperalert, so I can’t relax into the ground of my being.

The opportunity to keep bringing my attention back into my heart, time after time, felt like a gift of this race. And coming towards the finish line, the crowd thinned out, for about the last 100 metres there was finally the sense of thoughtless, spacious pure flow I was longing for. My mind was still, and I felt like I was in a timeless moment of blissful movement. It was truly wonderful.

As soon as I crossed the finish line, there was a huge crowd in front of me and I had to wait about ten minutes before I could get free. It was extremely distressing, to have those few moments of pure blissful awareness and then be back into the panicky feeling being trapped and not being able to get out. But finally the crowd inched to the opening and I was free.

I ran from there to the place where I had parked my car, at Main and Hastings (about another 10 minutes). It felt great to know that my limit is now beyond the half marathon, due to the earlier training I had done when I intended to do the full marathon. When I got to my car I put the medal inside and then leaned against the car to do some calf stretches. I was looking down, not really thinking about anything, and another moment of grace descended upon me. I was perceiving the objects in my field of vision with no thought or evaluation. It was a moment of nonconceptual awareness, in which the usual automatic process of looking at things, labelling them, and evaluating whether they were good or bad stopped. I was just looking. It was a taste of the kind of freedom I long for, though in that moment I wasn’t longing or even feeling free. Everything just was. After a few moments, I realized I was looking at cigarette butts floating in the clear rainwater in the gutter. Can you imagine the freedom of looking at that and not having to think “Ew, cigarette butts, disgusting!” But instead to just feel pure, clear awareness? It is a delicious way to be, my friends, and I wish that for all of you.

This week I am at the Dan Brown meditation retreat I mentioned earlier, and he promises that the mahamudra techniques he is teaching us will bring just that type of freedom from reactivity. The teachings also promise a taste of awakened mind, which he says is a simultaneous experience of bliss, stillness, and clarity. This is our true nature. May we all know this through our direct, lived experience.

Six days to the Vancouver Half!

Spring is here, with several cougar emails in my mailbox, fresh blossom scent in the air, and runners gearing up for the Vancouver Marathon and Half Marathon, as well as the Sun Run after that. I had a couple delicious runs in the cool spacious air of early evening this weekend—one along the river, running in the fresh mountain air, and one along the Burrard Inlet. The gap in mountains at the right side of the photo (taken from my back deck) shows where I run north into the mountains along a trail beside the Seymour River.

The spaciousness and cool air of the runs reminds me of what Chogyam Trungpa calls stepping out of the musty, familiar cocoon. The familiar patterns of behaviour and familiar sense of self that comprise the ego can feel very comfortable and cozy, but there is a staleness to the cocoon. Now that spring is here I invite you to step out of the cocoon, if only for a few minutes. Let your thoughts quiet for a moment and sense the cool expansive spaciousness that is all through and around your head. Try one new thing, or an old thing in a new way, and taste the freshness that awaits us all outside of the cocoon!

Kath running and pre-emptive forgiveness

The kath is the belly centre, also known as the hara (in some Buddhist traditions) and the don tien (in martial arts) or dantien. In the Diamond Approach we use the term kath, and one of the foundational practices is the kath meditation. The kath centre is also known as the moving centre, so on my run in the mountains by the Seymour River yesterday, I experimented with doing the kath meditation while running. Running is definitely a form of movement!

A while ago on a vision fast in Colorado, Ann Debaldo, a student of the Diamond Approach and apprentice on that vision fast, told me that focusing on the kath would help my feet find their way in the dark. I have certainly found this to be true on night runs when I can’t see the path. But yesterday I tried it in broad daylight, and what a revelation! First, I could see so much more of my surroundings by looking straight ahead rather than at the path. My eyes and soul could take in the magnificent greenness of the forest and the purity and freshness of the snowy mountain peaks ahead. Also, by focusing on the kath, my mind was much more still, which meant I could absorb the impact of the surroundings more. This is what I long for when I run in the forest; to be impacted by the beauty of nature, and have that freshness enliven the dead, stale spaces of my soul that get trapped in endless dry thought patterns. It was so refreshing!

And finally, I find it very difficult to rest in the kath centre when I do my sitting meditation each morning. But resting in the kath while running was very easy! I felt a fullness there, like a thick liquid, resilient and substantial. It actually seemed motionless, though my body was in movement. It was a wonderful way to experience the kath. And my feet did indeed find their way, over stones and sticks, potholes and lumps, with speed and agility. I recommend that you try this the next time you go for a run. Just bring your awareness into your belly, below the belly button. And keep bringing it back there when the mind wanders away. I’d love to hear about your experience after you’ve tried it!

By the way, the other thing that I did was to keep my eyes focused straight ahead or looking around at the mountains, trees, and river, rather than on the path. Keeping the eyes focused straight ahead is one of the techniques of ChiRunning. Angela James told me that she had one of her best race times ever when she focused on this technique. If you are interested in learning more about ChiRunning, check out the ChiRunning and yoga retreat at Monkey Valley in July!

And finally, I want to mention an interesting idea I came across in the Winter 2009 issue of Circles on the Mountain, the publication of the Wilderness Guides Council. The Hawaiian Maoli people have an ideal of Mihikala—the act of giving and receiving forgiveness before it is needed. Imagine the freedom of being able to forgive someone, rather than get upset, even before they do the thing that would upset you! The longing for freedom from reactivity is very strong in me these days, so this idea has much appeal. I will try to practice it on the other drivers during the drive in to work this morning!

Spring elixir brings surprise offerings

It’s a glorious spring day in Vancouver. Happy first day of spring, everyone! Though the blossoms have been on the trees for months, today spring is officially here, with a hazy blue sky, soft sunsine, pink and white blossoms, and tender new spring green life everywhere. There’s something about that fresh tender green of new leaves that infuses my soul with the same tenderness.

Thursday, running along the Trans-Canada Trail, I noticed this greenness all along the path, in the moss and ivy, salmonberry bushes with their bright pink blossoms, and green grass pushing up among the dried brown grass from last year. New life arising out of the remains of the old life. May these spring blessings infuse your soul with fresh life, optimism, and tenderness for all living creatures.

Yesterday I met with Angela James, the ChiRunning instructor who taught the workshop I attended in January. At the workshop we had talked about how well yoga would complement the ChiRunning, and yesterday we put together a ChiRunning and yoga retreat at Monkey Valley on July 23 – 25! The cost is $375, and includes delicious organic meals, camping accommodations, and instruction in both ChiRunning and yoga. Plus Angela will be providing healthful Rooibos tea. There will be lots of free time for walking through the woods, hanging out by the creek, and toasting marshmellows on the campfire in the evening. Angela is a lovely person, very energetic and positive to be around, and I know that everyone who’s around her feels uplifted by her energy. I think we’ll make a terrific team. I’ll be teaching the yoga portion, offering the yoga routine I’ve developed over the past eight years to complement and support my running! See here for more details.

Sad news about the Vancouver marathon. I’ve been sick for the past three weeks, which put a major crimp in my training schedule and caused me to miss a key long run. So I’ve had to bow down to the truth of my limitations, and scale back to the half-marathon on May 2. I don’t feel too discouraged, as I had that marvellous experience of going further than I’ve ever gone before in the 33 KM run I told you about. I still aim to do the full marathon one day, perhaps for my 50th birthday! Oh wow, that is so hard to believe, 50 is just six years away. But today I am feeling the spring energy bring a lightness to my spirit, so let’s all go out and soak in the sun and smell the elixir of spring in the air.

Running into the mystic

I swear I was about to run through a rainbow today. There it was, just ahead of me, spanning from the North Shore across the Burrard Inlet and just to the right side of the trail I was running on. It was only about 500 metres away, tops. The colours were extremely bright, especially the reds and violets, and there was a double rainbow on the North Shore leg. Curiously, the colours of the second rainbow were arrayed in the opposite direction from the first rainbow. Have you ever noticed that? ROYGBIV and then VIBGYOR.

But I learned today that the sun runs faster than I do. For as I got closer, and I could see I’d already passed the landmark that the rainbow had landed on earlier, the rainbow kept moving away from me. Then the shoreline swung south, and suddenly the whole rainbow was on the left of the path. Then it was shining over Capital Hill in Burnaby. But I swear at first it was right over the path in front of me, and I was going to run through it!

I’m not sure how it kept moving farther away. I guess as the ball of the sun sinks it changes the angle and the light refracts through more distant clouds, just like the sunset colours in the clouds can move across the sky.

Ah well, it was a mystic run, and I am just about ready to take the plunge and sign up for the full marathon. Woohoo!! (Sorry, carryover from the Olympics!)

Vancouver marathon 2010, here I come!

I did it! As I mentioned previously, this past week was my last chance to get my act together for the Vancouver marathon 2010. It was a rest week, with 3 short runs, culminating with today’s 3 hour and 51 minute trial! That’s right—almost 4 hours of non-stop running. I didn’t even have to make a pit stop or stop 10 times to take rocks out of my shoes like on my last long run! (The secret was to wear thicker socks so the little devils couldn’t get in.)

This run was roughly 33 KM (probably a little under, but it was trail running, so the actual time to run 33 KM on roads would be less than the time I ran today). So I am back on track with the training schedule, and I’m aiming to tackle my first ever marathon on Sunday, May 2.

Today’s run was 35 minutes longer than I have ever run before! For the last part of the run I kept saying to myself, every step I take is farther than I’ve ever run before. It was really exciting! My last long run was 3 hours and 16 minutes. Today I got to feeling really tired after about 2 hours and 20 minutes, which makes sense because that’s about what my previous limit was over the past 3 years. So it was a real slog for quite a while, and I was very conscious of the fact that trail shoes would be better than the street shoes I was wearing. Every rock under my feet became painful after a few hours. (I noted to myself several times that I must get some trail shoes, but that’s also what I noted to myself on my last long run…)

As I was running along, feeling like I was barely moving, constantly on the lookout for lumps in the lumpy gravel, it occurred to me that I’d probably used up all the energy that was readily accessible. So I wondered how long it would take for my body to figure out how to get at the more deeply stored energy (that is, the fat deposits in my thighs and belly)! Now I was getting to the nitty gritty! I sensed these areas, trying to discover whether I could feel the fat being sucked out to be used as energy, but I couldn’t. I did have flashes of euphoric energy running up my back and into my head now and then. But for a very long time I was slogging, and feeling the assault on my feet.

At about the 3 hour mark I gave myself a nice pep-talk. I had run up to the Seymour Dam, and now was back at the northern end of Fisherman’s Trail. From here it was easy-peasy. A softer trail, mostly downhill (until I hit the Homestead Trail), and best of all, it was MY trail. I’d been on this stretch of the river trail many, many times. So even though I was soon going to go past my limit, since I was on the home stretch of familiar trails it seemed like it would be easy. I KNEW I could make it back. And believe it or not, it seemed like the trees and river along this stretch knew me too, and were sending me friendly energy.

A little later, I glanced at my watch and noticed it was 3:16—the time of my previous longest run. Slog, slog. But it was a bit easier because the trail wasn’t as rocky as the Spur 4 gravel road. Then suddenly, at 3:20, I was infused with energy. Without trying to, I was back to my normal running speed. Aha! So this is how long it took for those fat deposits to give it up! (About an hour.) Or maybe this is just what happens when I boldly go where I’ve never gone before!

In any case, this re-energization lasted for the remainder of my run. My legs felt a bit strange, to be sure, like they were in shock, but the speed was there. Even on the Homestead Trail—1 KM of pure uphill, with very steep sections—I kept up the new pace. In fact, I ran it faster than I usually do! This was from 3:26 to 3:37. And from here it was totally smooth sailing. The little leg of trail over to Lynn Valley Road seemed to vanish under my feet much more quickly than ever before. Across Lynn Creek, and up the road to the cul-de-sac where I’d parked, with the last three minutes on the flat road inside the gate to Lynn Headwaters Park. And I was done!

I let out a whoohoo and a few yeahs with arm punches. But that didn’t truly express the wonder of the moment. Only a coyote howl would do! AAOOOOOOO!! That shut up the little yappy dog nearby!

So I am going to put in my registration for the full marathon. I just have two more runs that are longer than today’s, and I am feeling confident that I can do it. No serious pain in the run or after. I’ll adapt my training a bit to fit with my new work schedule, probably cutting out the 13 KM runs on Wednesdays. That’s the plan, and I hope to see you there!

P.S. If you want to be notified when I make a post on this blog, there is an RSS feed in the footer at the very bottom of this page. Click the blue link that says Entries (RSS).