Vision Fast – Page 4 – Karen's New York Love Affair

Back from the desert

The School of Lost Borders California Fall Vision Fast was amazing! I was an assistant for the 11 fasters and the two incredible guides, Ruth and Larry. Some people marked their passage into adulthood, and others into elderhood. It was such an honour to witness the courage and vulnerability these fasters showed as they faced the unknown and went to fast alone in the desert.

Base camp with Ruth and Larry was so much fun, with gorgeous weather and very little wind. We were in the Eureka Valley, in foothills surrounding a big open bowl of flat desert floor. I had a few amazing runs there, as well as in the area around Big Pine, where we camped before and after the solo time. A night run as the moon was coming up out of the White and Inyo Mountains was incredible!

I’ll write more next week about the medicine walk I went on, for which Ruth and Larry helped me clarify the intention I brought to the desert, of working on anger. It was such a gift to work with these two guides, and I have a new grounding as a result of it. More to come…

Q: Does a bear poop in the woods?

A: Yes, and so can you!

Okay, you’re probably thinking I’ve totally flipped out, if you didn’t already think this after some of my previous entries about mouse turds, including “The mystery of the dead animal in my living room,” and the moving song “Blue turd on my window sill.”

But the fact is, being close to nature means being close to the full cycle of natural processes, which mostly involve birth, eating, eliminating, reproduction, and death. And when you spend time in nature, the signs of the elimination process are all around. Yesterday, when I was out for a run at Monkey Valley, I came across some magnificent signs of bear elimination. Call me crazy if you want, but I love finding bear scat. I found two piles, and one was a lot larger than the other, which might indicate that two bears of different sizes have been in the vicinity. Or maybe it was the same bear, having a big poop and then a little poop after. I noticed that both piles had undigested rose hips in them, which indicates the furry creature has been attracted to the bright red seed pods, which seem remarkably red and vibrant this year.

But what does this have to do with you, and specifically, with you pooping in the woods? One of the questions people who have never been on a vision fast ask is how to handle this basic biological function. Obviously, when you’re out in the wild on your solo, there won’t be a flush toilet, and not even an outhouse. This means you have the wonderful opportunity to experience what your ancestors did. Poop in the woods! Or in the desert, as the case may be…

We like to practice no-trace camping as part of our honouring of the land during the vision fast. This means packing out your TP, and covering the signs of any biological waste you might be leaving behind. So dig a shallow hole, and when you’re finished your elimination process, cover the hole with leaves and dirt. If there are rocks in the area where you are fasting, you can put a rock over the little pile to mark it, so that you know not to dig in that same spot again.

There is an ancient familiarity about squatting outside to perform this everyday function. The position is actually more comfortable for our body than a toilet, though if you’re out of shape it can be a strain on the quadriceps at first. Women out on a fast will get a lot more practice with this than men, learning to squat and pee too, without peeing on clothing or shoes. That’s a practice you will have a chance to master during your fasting time, especially if you drink the recommended amount of water!

A final note about biological processes for women out on a fast. It often happens that women’s cycles shift when out in nature, and your moon time might come while you are on your fast. We recommend bringing the supplies you’ll need in case this does happen. Pack the used supplies out with you, along with your TP. If you’re in bear country, you might want to keep your used supplies in a plastic bag some distance from your sleeping place, and use water and a bandanna or disposable wipes to keep clean. Or moss, if you’re in the woods.

Having your moon time while on a fast can deepen your connection with the sacred in nature, and help you feel part of the natural cycles of nature. Perhaps you will be inspired to create a ceremony to honour your moon time, bleeding directly onto the earth or making an offering of your blood in a ceremonial way.

Being out on the land during the vision fast, attending to our natural biological processes in ways that are more like the way our ancestors did, connects us to the 120,000+ life times of the human race, and helps us know that we are not alone. While our single life is finite, we are connected to a powerful, enduring life force through our human and pre-human gene pool. This is something that pooping in the woods can teach us.

Drumming for the vision fast

I was interviewed this week on Vancouver’s Co-op Radio (CFRO 102.7 FM) about the vision fast. The interview was for a radio show called Conscious Living. Listen to the interview to find out more about this thing called a vision fast. The interview concludes with a song for calling in the four directions, which I wrote about last time. When you click Log In, you are given a chance to register for the show’s web site. You must do this before you can listen to the MP3, but it only takes a minute or two.

I smudged myself with sage before going downtown to do the interview, and asked the spirits of the seven directions to be with me and help draw those people to the vision fast on July 5 – 11 at Monkey Valley who would most benefit from the ceremony. May it be so!

Why would anyone want to do a think like go without food for three days, alone in the woods, with only a tarp and sleeping bag for shelter? I think it takes a certain kind of person to be interested in this type of adventure, and a certain yearning in the soul. I believe that all humans yearn for connection with nature, because we evolved as a species for tens of thousands of years in the natural world. But nowadays, living in cities, many people do not hear their heart’s call to be out in nature. Or they may misinterpret the call as a yearning for something else, or drown it out with one of the substances so readily available to us for such purposes! So I think the vision fast ceremony appeals specifically to people who already feel their connection to nature, or who are aware of wanting to build or strengthen this connection. After all, there are many paths for gaining spiritual and psychological understanding that do not involve this level of physical discomfort!

Then there is the yearning to know yourself more deeply, to find guidance or healing, or to mark a life passage in a significant way. Perhaps you might feel the urge to test yourself, and gain a sense of confidence or strength from knowing you have passed the test. Certainly this is one of the functions the vision fast has served historically, as a right of passage from adolescence to adulthood. Since many of us never experienced or marked this passage into adulthood as a teenager, for some adults this might feel like an incompleteness that the vision fast ceremony can remedy.

When it comes to finding guidance, healing, inspiration, and self-knowledge in nature, the process is very mysterious. Time alone on the land opens us up. It makes our ego shell more permeable, usually in a safe and gentle way. It deepens our senses and our awareness, opening us to knowing and interacting with the natural world in a different way than we might experience on a weekend hike with friends. Being alone and not having to interact with others is actually a great gift, which allows a portion of our regular unconscious functioning (to maintain a self image, monitor how the other person is feeling, make sure the relationship is okay) to work for a different purpose. All of these factors, and the physiological changes brought about by fasting, can lead us into altered states of consciousness, where information is available to us in a new way.

This type of opening into the unknown is not for everyone. It takes a courage and a curiosity. A willingness to look foolish (or at least, dirty!). It takes a wanting. This is why on the School of Lost Borders vision fast program page they have a statement to warn away those who might be entering into this too lightly: “Or just forget that such a wild idea ever came into your head.” I love that! Enter at your own risk…

The gift of fire

Meeting in Circle with the Wilderness Guides Council

Fire is the element of the east, the direction of springtime. When I first sat in circle at the Wilderness Guides Council, on Monday, April 13, I deliberately sat in the east. This is a part of the wheel that I am least comfortable in. Magic happens here, and the unpredictable, for it is in this direction that old forms are broken down so that something new can emerge. It is the direction of creativity, death and rebirth, and has the gift of vision of the eagle flying high in the sky.

I am typically more comfortable in the west, the place of introspection and darkness. So it felt risky to take my place in the east and own this part of my spirit. There were about 25 guides sitting in the circle, and I listened as they discussed the business of our annual meeting. Things like the budget and who would be carrying on which duties in the year to come. They have a “mask of the ancestors,” and one of the duties is to be the keeper of the mask. It is made out of the pelvic bone of a large animal, and is decorated with feathers and beads. The meeting lasted a long time—about 5 hours—and about 4 hours into it one of the feathers blew off the mask and landed in my lap. It was an orange flicker feather—which I have written about previously in this blog. This was the first magical gift of the east. It seemed like a blessing and confirmation that I am a member of this group. The ancestors confirmed it. And my own heart did too—sitting listening to these people who care about each other, the earth, and the sacred ceremony of the vision fast, I felt my own desire to continue on through time with these people. The gift of the feather confirmed it. I put the feather in my emergency kit, which I always carry with me when I’m out on the land. May it keep all the fasters safe!

The Sweat Lodge

After the Wilderness Guides Council (of North America) gathering ended, we had about 24 hours to prepare the grounds for the International Wilderness Guides Gathering—a week-long gathering of guides from around the world. I helped out a little, setting up the garbage and recycling bins. But the main thing I had volunteered to do was to help with the campfires, to make sure they were put out safely at the end of the night. But somehow this turned into a new job—helping tend the fire for the women’s sweat lodge, which was going to take place the following Saturday. What an honour! I agreed to help, and thought I’d better get an idea of what was involved. So I went to the first sweat of the IWGG gathering, held on Tuesday, April 14th. This was the second gift of the east.

Meeting the Grandfathers

When I got to the place of the sweat lodge, located under the magnificent oak trees, beside a creek, I sat down with the others who were waiting, took off my shoes, and nestled my toes into the sand. I had not been in a sweat lodge since about 1993, and I was looking forward to seeing how the heat felt to me now. Munro Sickafoose, the netkeeper for the WGC, was pouring water for the sweat. This meant he was running everything that happened inside the sweat lodge (from the human incarnate end—spirit was really running what happened). A beautiful man named Dirk Johnston was the firekeeper, who ran what happened outside of the sweat, preparing the fire to heat the rocks, and transporting them into the sweat lodge. These heated rocks are called the grandfathers, and the firekeeper communes with these rocks and in a sense is responsible for how the sweat goes. It is a sacred and mysterious duty.

It turned out that I was the oldest woman at the sweat lodge, so Munro asked me to sit beside him in the lodge, since his wife wasn’t there, and to put cedar on each grandfather stone as it came into the lodge. I felt very honoured to do this. We were taught what to say as we entered the lodge: Aho matakwe-asin! All my relations! After entering we crawled on our hands and knees in a clockwise direction to take our places around the edges of the lodge. There was a pit in the middle, ready to receive the grandfathers. When we were all inside, Munro asked Dirk to bring in 9 grandfathers. Dirk brought in the first rock, glowing red and clearly visible in the darkness of the sweat lodge. He said “Aho, matakwe-asin! Grandfather, come on in!” Munro guided the pitchfork and placed the rock in the pit in the middle. Now it was my job to sprinkle a little bit of dried cedar leaves on the rock. The herb sparkled as it struck the heated red stone, and the scent began to tickle our noses, creating an immediate feeling that something sacred was happening.

So it went, as Dirk brought each grandfather in. “Aho, matakwe-asin! Grandfather, come on in!” As I sprinkled the herb on each one, I offered a blessing to it. And I fell in love with these glowing grandfather rocks, and with this sacred ceremony from the first peoples of this land.

Munro told us there would be four rounds. The first round was for calling in the ancestors and spirits. The second round was for praying. The third round was for healing. And the final round was the “going home” round. At the beginning of each round, more rocks would be brought in. During the round, Munro would pour water on the rocks to create steam, increasing the heat in the sweat lodge. To be continued…

Learning and transformation — ouch!

I wasn’t always a happy camper at the 4th International Wilderness Guides Gathering, held in Arizona’s Chiricahua Mountains this April. Previous gatherings have been held in Germany, South Africa, and the UK. People from these countries attended, and many more besides. The gathering was hosted by the Wilderness Guides Council, a North American organization of which I am a member. It was wonderful to meet fellow guides, and to feel I belong to this group of people who are passionate about connecting with the earth and helping others undertake the rite of passage known as the vision fast or vision quest. However, there is a shadow side to every event, and any kind of learning and expansion frequently involves discomfort.

The next gathering, in 2012, will be in the Ukraine. It is wonderful to know that wilderness work is growing strong in many places around the world. The Ukrainians’ plea to host the next gathering was magical. Georgie drew the sign of the four directions in the earth, and it seemed obvious that the Ukraine is the place of the east, where the next gathering should be. Those present could clearly feel the strength of his desire to support wilderness work such as the vision quest to take root again in the Ukraine, where it has been virtually lost as a practice among the people there. It was very moving to witness the gathering of about 120 people sit in council together and reach the decision to meet in the Ukraine next time. Siberia is reputed to be the birthplace of shamanism, and my family has roots in the formerly German Mennonite community of Zaporojie, in the Ukraine, so I was especially moved to know that the guides of the world will gather there to help rebuild lost connections to the ways of the earth.

After the gathering, Tom Quinton (from Big Sur) offered a guides’ renewal fast, which I went to, and there the basecamp was also held by Gillian Wilton from South Africa, and Heorhiy (Georgie) Kushnir from the Ukraine. The nine guides fasting were from Canada, the UK, the US, the Ukraine, Germany, and Australia. Wow! Has such a thing ever happened before?

Over the next few weeks I will be writing about my experiences at the guides gathering and the renewal fast. I am going to begin with my first journal entry:

2009 April 12, after dark, everyone else asleep…

Here I am at the IWGG in a campground in the Chiricahua Mountains. At the moment I hate it. It’s very cold. There’s a bunch of people crowded into each campsite. Corinna is snoring away so I’ll have to wear earplugs. I just put them in but they haven’t fully expanded yet. Just as I was settling in I found a giant spider in my tent and had to remove it…

And thus the trip began with the discomfort that severance from the clean, familiar, and warm comforts of home always brings. This was the lesson I learned on one of the first medicine walks I ever did, and it continues to be something I forget and relearn. Spending time in nature, on uneven surfaces, with bugs and temperature fluctuations and prickly things, is UNCOMFORTABLE! Every time, I need to find a way to GET OVER IT! Afterwards I remember the beautiful connections with people and the land, the ceremonies, the animals, the inner growth. But at the time, I am mostly focused on the DISCOMFORT. I guess this is the way of the ego.

One last glimpse of winter

I seem to be a little reluctant to make the turn into spring. So here’s one last look at the winter of ’08. This is my sister Katherine, shoveling snow off the roof of her shed in Horsefly, BC. This picture was taken in March! That’s a lot of snow. That’s her dog, Sam, in the snow below.

I’m going to Arizona to meet with a gathering of wild folks who call themselves wilderness guides. The gathering is in the Chiricahua Mountains, in bear country! After the gathering I am staying to do a guides renewal fast. Four days and nights of fasting from human company, food, and built shelter. It feels like I have been going through the severance phase already, as I tied up all the loose ends here at home and prepared for the trip. Today after I dropped Donald off with friends who will be looking after him I noticed the sadness of leaving the familiar and comfortable behind. I missed my kitty!

Severance is an important step on the journey, because we have to let go of the familiar to leave an empty space for something new to emerge within us. But it is not a comfortable place to be in. Yet we must sever ourselves from our people to cross the threshold of the vision fast ceremony. We must leave the safety and comfort of the coccoon in order to grow, learn, and ultimately bring our gifts back to our people.

So I must sever from this blog until my return. Be well, dear readers, and may you blossom in the spring sunshine.

Cougars: spirit guides on the vision fast

When you are on a vision fast or medicine walk, you enter into a mystical realm where all events and encounters take on a significance that is bigger than what most of us experience in ordinary waking life. During this time, an encounter with an animal is not just a coincidence. (If it ever is!) Usually a particular animal will appear to you with a message or lesson that only that animal can bring. And of course, the circumstances of the encounter will help you to understand more about the message or meaning. Also your own history, belief system, and connection with particular animals will help you to know what the animal is saying to you. Therefore, the information provided here about cougars is a possible starting point, but may not touch on the fullness of what a cougar means to you, or the gifts that your own encounter with a cougar may hold.

Ted Andrews, author of Animal Speak: The Spiritual and Magical Powers of Creatures Great and Small and many other books, is my favourite source for reading about the significance of animals in different mythologies. Ted says that the cougar symbolizes coming into your own power. This is easy to see, given that the cougar has the many powers described in other postings: physical strength, leaping ability, power of hearing and sight, stealth, beauty. Ted writes, “If cougar has shown up in your life, it is time to learn about power. Test your own. Most young cougars learn how to use their power through trial and error. It strengthens them and hones their skills. When cougar shows up as a totem, much of the trial has been worked through. Now it is time to assert.”

One of the things I like about Ted’s writing and understanding of the animal world is the connection between predator and prey. Given that the main prey of the cougar is the deer, which symbolizes gentleness (including a gentle beckoning into new adventure), the deer is also significant in understanding the message of the cougar. Ted suggests that in learning to use our power, we can do so with the gentleness of a deer, when that is appropriate. This is a lesson I keep needing to learn! The cougar knows with decisiveness when to attack forcefully, but its prey teaches us that we can also exercise power with gentleness.

One thing that sometimes prevents us from showing, owning, and using our power, is the fear of loss of those who will not approve of or like it. I would suggest this might be especially challenging for women, who are socialized to appear weak and helpless. Cougar medicine can help all, male and female, to assert ourselves, show our capabilities, grow and stretch. And this means risking upsetting those around us, who may want us to stay the same. Are you willing to risk loss to realize and express your true nature? This is a question cougar asks.

Recently I was seeing a naturopath to learn to balance my power and weakness. My strength was distorted into outbursts of rage, which covered up feelings of helplessness. When we explored the animal that I identified with in these situations, it was the cougar. I felt that I had the wild, magnificent power of the cougar, but I was repressing it because I felt those around me would reject me if I showed this strength. I had a dream during this time, in which I was in a hospital room, awaiting surgery. The doctor came in, and pulled a limp cougar out of a dustbin, where it was covered with grey dirt and garbage. There was another similar bin in the room, containing another cougar. I knew the doctor was going to use some of the cougar’s life energy when she operated on me. The cougars were being kept in these bins for that purpose. I was shocked and horrified that this is what I was doing to my wild, fierce, free true nature; I was keeping it in a bin, covered with garbage, and just allowing the tiniest portion of it out to sustain my life. This dream made me wonder what it would be like to allow the cougar out of the dust bin. To allow her the fullness of her expression in my life. This question is intimately related to my spiritual journey of expressing the mystery of my true nature as I live in this world. How can I know this mystery, and learn to express it? The dream has only awakened questions, not answers. But it is clear to me that the cougar is speaking to me to set me on the path to exploring these questions.

If you are ever out on a vision fast and a cougar comes to visit you, know that it is a rare and remarkable gift. While remembering the information about how to survive a cougar attack, also try to open into communication with the cougar. Observe everything about the cougar’s physical relation to you: direction of approach and leaving; what the cougar does around you; whether you can sense a feeling-tone coming from the cougar; or even hear the words or thoughts of the cougar. In the sacred space of the vision fast, it is unlikely that the cougar has come to harm you. More likely it has come to teach and to give you a gift and a wonderful story for your people.

Soapberry Indian ice cream

Indian ice cream—a gift from the land

At the August vision fast at Monkey Valley, the spot where our council circle met had some translucent reddish-orange berries that looked very succulent. I licked one and found it to be very bitter. The faster asked what they were, but I didn’t know, and didn’t even recall seeing this type of berry before. After the faster went out on her two-day quest, I looked up the berries in Roberta Parish, Ray Coupe, and Dennis Lloyd’s Plants of Southern Interior British Columbia. I discovered they are soapberries. I remembered that my friend Pam told me soapberries are the stuff Indian ice cream is made of.

While the faster was out, my co-guide Kim Ashley (a different Kim than my sister, Kim Rempel) and I decided to try making the ice cream. We gathered the berries in the traditional method, by spreading a cloth on the ground and then beating the bush with a stick! (Following the instructions in Nancy Turner’s Food Plants of Interior First Peoples.) But we used electric beaters, not so traditional, to whip the berries with a little water into a beautiful pink foam. We didn’t have the traditional whipping implement—a piece of cedar bark—on hand. The mixture was still quite bitter even with brown sugar and a few wild raspberries added. An unusual but interesting taste. The whipped foamy texture is wonderful—a real treat.

This treat was part of the welcome-back-break-fast feast. It was really neat, to offer the faster some food gathered from the land. It strengthened the feeling that the spirits of this place welcome us doing the old sacred ceremonies here. Ho!

Recipe

Mix 1 cup berries with 1/4 cup water and 4 tablespoons brown sugar, until all the berries have dissolved into a stiff pink foam.

Vision quest—maintaining sacred tradition

Cultural misappropriation of sacred ceremony

Cultural misappropriation is a danger in adopting traditional ceremonies for contemporary use. It is true that peoples on every continent have used solo time in nature for spiritual purposes. It is a human birthright—a way of connecting directly to the natural world and to deeper realms of spiritual realities. Yet so much has been taken from the first peoples of North America, and there have been incidents of anger about Caucasian groups using first peoples customs. Even in cases where a white person has been trained and given permission by a Native American medicine man, such as in the case of author and medicine woman Evelyn Eaton, others in Native American communities have disagreed and been angry with those who allow white participation in their traditional Native American ceremonies such as the pipe ceremony and sweat lodge.

What to do? How to navigate this territory of cultural misappropriation? Certainly, when using or adapting traditional first people ways, it is vitally important to do so with respect and with honouring of the first peoples of the land where we do sacred ceremony, and with thanks for the teachings we have received. The School of Lost Borders, which teaches a modern vision fast rite of passage, changed from using the term vision quest to using the term vision fast. They did this out of consideration for Native Americans.

I believe that in this time of ecological crisis the earth and all the people on it need us to be aware of our interconnectedness with the earth and all living creatures. The old ways of the first peoples are needed, to help foster this awareness. Some Native American leaders and writers agree that the old ways are needed, and they are willing to teach them to all people, regardless of race. With over 50% of the earth’s population living in cities now, we need a ceremony that brings people out into wild nature. And certainly, people of all ages need rites of passage to bring meaning, celebration, and an awareness of being part of the wholeness of our world. I believe that the need for and value of this ceremony is great. My own personal experience of it, fasting annually for the past three years, is that it is so healing and transformative that I want to offer this experience to others. So I have chosen to learn to guide others in the vision fast ceremony as taught by the School of Lost Borders.

My friend Janet, who has the Métis heritage, gave me an eagle feather and sage to use for smudging in the traditional way. I feel she invited me into these ways with her gifts. She has encouraged me to offer the teachings I learn to First Nations people in the Merritt area. I have felt shy about doing this, and think it must be very inappropriate. But she told me to do it. People want to be in the sacred ceremony. In some cases the old ways have been lost to the first peoples themselves, and they are hungry to learn wherever they can. I have invited First Nations people from the Merritt area to events at Monkey Valley, and will continue to do so, even though I still feel very shy about it.

I try to remember to use the sacred ceremonies I have learned with respect for the first peoples. I thank the ancestors of the land where the ceremony is being held. I thank the spirits of the land, and the grandmothers and grandfathers, and ask for their help and guidance in keeping the fasters safe and teaching them what they need to know. The spirits seem to listen and to help. This is all I know.

Vision quest—background

A rite of passage

Peoples of many cultures have created traditions and ceremonies involving solo time in wild Faster in Wyoming's red desert nature. In North America, the plains peoples are the most well-known groups to use the ancient practice of the vision quest. John Murray recounts, in editors Michael Tobias and Georgianne Cowan’s The Soul of Nature, a story of discovering a vision quest site in Rocky Mountain National Park. Archaeologists from Colorado State University and the National Park Service studied the site and determined it had been used for vision quests and fasts from 10,000 years ago until about 500 years ago. This is remarkable! Long before the civilizations of Mesopotamia and Egypt, the first peoples of North America had been using spiritual ceremony to help their people live and thrive.

The vision quest was used as a rite of passage to mark the transition from childhood to adulthood. The quester would fast from food, people, and shelter. In some groups the faster would go forth naked, with only a bear-skin robe for warmth and protection. Severing from her people (I don’t know for sure if young women participated in this ceremony, or if it was only males in traditional societies who used this rite of passage, but today they definitely do!), the quester would enter a threshold space—a space between worlds, a place of spirit. The faster would be invisible to her people—a spirit form—until returning back across the threshold, sometimes after four days and four nights of fasting, sometimes for different periods of time. Upon returning, the quester would tell her story of the fast. The story would be received by her elders, and the entire community would know that the quester had successfully crossed over into adulthood. She might have received a vision, or a gift to bring back to her people. Incorporation, the final stage of the vision fast process, would involve living her gift or vision—bringing it back to her people, and making it real.

There are historical accounts of Native Americans who saw the coming of Christopher Columbus’s ship in a vision, but didn’t know what it was because they had never seen a ship before. There are many accounts of first peoples visionaries seeing the coming of the “white man” and the ensuing drastic effects on their way of life.

Today, First Nation peoples in some parts of North America still use the vision quest ceremony. Contemporary groups such as the School of Lost Borders and Monkey Valley Retreat Centre also put people out on the land to undergo the rite of passage of the vision fast. See the Links page for other contemporary organizations who offer vision fasts.