Wild Woman – Page 18 – Karen's New York Love Affair

Ran out of steam and got out of jail free

Well, it finally happened. Was Led Zeppelin my downfall? The night after my last entry, I did my post-run yoga while watching more Led Zeppelin on YouTube. Then the following night, I listened to Led Zeppelin (which I have on album and CD) while doing my post-run yoga. Interestingly, my practice has lengthened as a result of doing the restorative yoga. Listening to my body, I enjoy holding the poses longer, for more breaths, to get a fuller benefit. Or maybe it’s listening to Led Zeppelin that’s doing it; I am so into the music that I don’t want to move out of the poses! I have to say, this is one of the best albums of all time. (According to Wikipedia, in 2003 the album was ranked number 29 on Rolling Stone magazine’s list of the 500 greatest albums of all time.)

But last night I just couldn’t summon up the energy to do the yoga after a 10-hour day at work. I came home after dark, feeling cold, tired, and hungry. I made dinner, and went to bed, and that was it for the day. So I have now used my Get Out of Jail Free card. That means the pressure is really on now to carry on for the next 13 days. I might have to keep on with the Led Zep fest! Or maybe go back to My Yoga Online for more inspiration.

Luckily the Vancouver Yoga Conference is coming up next weekend, November 4-6, for additional inspiration. I have a free pass from YogaBC, and there’s lots of free workshops and classes to attend. I saw on the Georgia Straight website today that you can get a free pass too (go to the Movie Listings area). This is a $15 value, to get into the conference any and all of the three days.

Thanks to my friends and family who have pledged 50 cents or a dollar or even two dollars a day for the 30-day Reach Out Challenge. The total pledges is now at $285 dollars! Almost at my goal of $300. If you haven’t done so and would like to sponsor me to raise money for Yoga Outreach, you can use the online donation link. Or phone me at 604.251.6337 or send an email to kyrempel [at] gmail [dot] com. Thanks!

Led Zeppelin carried me through

After my last entry, I was so enlivened by listening to Led Zeppelin while I wrote the blog post that I continued on to do a 40-minute practice while listening to more Led Zeppelin! So I didn’t need to use my Get Out of Jail Free card or car yoga excuse after all. I set up my mat facing the screen, as I would for a My Yoga Online practice, but instead I listened to and watched Led Zeppelin on YouTube while I did my practice. I found this incredible very early footage of Babe I’m Gonna Leave You, and watched it several times, as well as a 10-minute No Quarter.

Obviously, just as in life as a whole (I’m thinking of the impressionability of the soul here, which is impacted by everything that touches us), many things can affect our yoga practice. My interest in watching the glories of Led Zeppelin (to be honest, I preferred it to doing the yoga wholeheartedly) led me to spend a lot more time in poses where I could actually be looking at the screen, like wide-legged forward bend. Hey, whatever it takes to get in those 30 minutes!

Last night I was even more exhausted, because by the time I finished the yoga the night before it was 2:00 am. So when it came around to 10 pm, and time to do my practice, I chose another restorative yoga class from Melina Meza, Summer Yin Restorative Practice. This class was pretty tough. It is harder than it looks to do an easy pose for four or five minutes! Since this was just a 20-minute class, I followed it up with a 10-minute easy-peasy chair yoga class: Earth: For Grounding Body and Mind. The teacher of the chair yoga class is Mara Branscombe, a Vancouver yoga teacher who trained with Trinity Yoga, the same place where I received certification. This was a nice connection.

Anyway, the point is I am still on track with my aim of 30 minutes of yoga a day for 30 days. Thanks to my friends and family who have pledged 50 cents or a dollar or even two dollars a day for the 30-day Reach Out Challenge. The total pledges is now at $285 dollars! Almost at my goal of $300. If you haven’t done so and would like to sponsor me to raise money for Yoga Outreach, you can use the online donation link. Or phone me at 604.251.6337 or send an email to kyrempel [at] gmail [dot] com. Thanks!

Would you believe car yoga?

From 10:32 pm until 11:38 pm tonight I was stuck in a traffic jam waiting to cross the Port Mann Bridge. Translink, you suck. Just a minute while I see who else sucks. Kiewit, you totally suck. Gateway Program, you suck. Province of BC, you especially suck.

I protested this project from the beginning, and distributed a petition for signatures. So did thousands of other people. I’m sure David Suzuki protested too, since he’s gung-ho about saving the planet. But all of the above people who suck had the power and the say, and went ahead with their four-year-plus, multi-billion dollar propaganda project.

So late in the evening on a Sunday night, returning home from Monkey Valley, I was stuck in a one-hour traffic jam. What can a person do?

It had actually been an incredible groove up til this point. After Hope I got into an ecstatic flow where the white lines and reflector bumps were sailing sedately by, and highway was black, the night was black, and I was totally loving the drive. (This was before I got to Mission and city lights and two solid lanes of traffic for 100 KM to the aforementioned bridge). So I was in the zone, and I put on some Led Zeppelin to enhance the trance even more. I opened the car window, so icy air kept me awake, and got into the incredible opening notes of Since I’ve Been Loving You. From this point on I was flying through the valley, high on life and Led Zep, and the rumbly way Robert Plant says “I’m in love with you girl, little girl.”

So when I got to the traffic jam, I was feeling great, and loving listening deeply to the music and putting myself inside Jimmy Page when he was really getting excited. By now the CD had rolled around to Whole Lotta Love (I was listening to the compilation CD Led Zeppelin Early Days). Well, I just didn’t want to stop rocking, even if I was stuck doing 0 KMH and far from home. Before I knew what was happening, I started rocking on the brake pedal, and my car started rocking too. We inched forward a bit, and then it happened again. There was a slight downhill slope, and as I braked in time with the Bonham body-invading drum beat, my car hood bounced a little, and I could see the headlights bounce on the red car in front of me.

So I did it again. And again. And for the next hour, I rocked my car in time to the classic wonder of Led Zep. I found that Rock and Roll and When the Levee Breaks were especially conducive to foot-tapping brake pedal action. After a while I started to feel disappointed if we were actually moving forward, so I started incorporating some side-to-side steering wheel movement into the dance. I’m sure all the people in the right lane, which incidentally kept passing those of us in the left lane, must have thought I was crazy. Though I did see one guy smile. And it must have been driving the person behind me nuts, the way my brake lights kept flashing, especially at that part where John Paul Jones really rocks out on the piano in Rock and Roll. I couldn’t quite get the car rocking that fast, but it’s quite incredible the range it has, especially when there’s that slight downward slope to help it along. So me and my car were dancing fools, and it made that hour the most fun of my weekend, probably! I had to laugh out loud at myself at numerous points.

So I want to hear from my supporters on the Reach Out Challenge: does car yoga count, or do I have to use my Get Out of Jail Free card? Type car yoga or card in the comment box, please! And if you agree that Kiewit sucks, put that too!

Monkey Valley Moksha

I learned from another yoga teacher at the Yoga Outreach trauma-sensitive yoga training that there is an offshoot of Bikram yoga called Moksha yoga. It is another form of hot yoga that has a gentler pace than the relentless Bikram yoga. Another difference is the teachers have the option of creating variety in the poses. The studios are environmentally friendly, and the source of heat in some studios is radiant heat rather than forced-air, causing the heat to feel different. There is a Moksha Vancouver studio on Alma St. But last night, being at Monkey Valley, I created my own Moksha practice in front of the woodstove.

In the picture above, notice the blue light around the edges of the glass window in the stove. This light is not visible with the naked eye, but the camera on my cell phone captures it. Similarly, I noticed the next morning that the light coming through the window in the living room cast a constantly moving shadow from heat streaming up through the air in front of the stove. But the air itself was not visible to the naked eye; only the shadow cast on the couch was visible. This illustrates for those who might doubt. What does it illustrate? That there is more to life than what we can see with the naked eye! That there are more subtle forces and energies and realities that we can’t necessarily touch with the limited five senses. And I suspect the five sense developed through evolution with a range that we needed to sense for survival. So there’s a reason we are the way we are. But we can learn to use the subtle senses to see more deeply into reality.

Anyway, back to my practice: the heat was rather uneven, being very hot at the end of the mat closest to the stove, and about 10 degrees cooler at the other end of the mat. It was 7 degrees inside the house when I arrived, and the living area had only warmed up to about 14 degrees by the time I started my yoga practice. But it was hot on the mat, and I was soon removing a couple of layers of clothing as the heat penetrated.

Not having internet access to My Yoga Online, I decided to do my regular practice, but more slowly, and taking the time to integrate some of the learnings from recent classes. I held standing forward bend and child’s pose much longer than usual, à la restorative yoga, feeling into what happens as the body settles into the position for a longer period. Different muscles are impacted as the primary ones reach their full extension. In extended side angle, I brought the thigh on my bent leg closer to parallel with the floor than I usually do. It could go there, but I just don’t usually bring it there, because I have gotten into a habit of where the range of movement stops. The Bikram class had taken my body past all the previous limits for range of movement (which is why I was so sore for days afterwards), and now my body knows a new limit. This was a lovely discovery to make.

When I did the final sequence on the floor, I noticed other impacts from recent classes. There was more ease in my upper back from the extended time spent in sphinx in the two yin winter restorative classes I’ve done. As I did the seated forward bend I tried it the way Melina teaches it, with the head hanging forward heavy, and then supporting my head in my hands. It brings the stretch into the upper back and neck in a whole new way. When I did the seated bent leg pose (a half version of the full version taught in the Bikram class), I remembered the teacher making a correction on the angle of my legs, but in this instance, I chose not to go for the all-out form. The comfort of habit ruled here. In happy baby pose, I remembered from the trauma-sensitive yoga class that this is often a triggering pose for people who have experienced particular forms of abuse, and I felt a softening and empathy for them, while appreciating the safety I was feeling in the moment.

Towards the end of the practice I recalled the idea of total movement from the Diamond Approach summer retreat I attended earlier this year, and I began to open my senses in this direction. I sensed the consciousness of my being, permeating through my physical body and beyond, into the totality of being that is all around and through everything—that is everything. So moving beyond the sensing of the physical body, into a more subtle sensing of the awareness that can sense the physical body. And then feeling how it feels as this awareness moves the body. It is a sensation of space moving through space. As I sense into it now, the space-consciousness that is everything feels like a loving and intelligent awareness, which delights in knowing itself by being aware of and sensing itself. It seems that the impact of the many yoga classes I have taken recently has formed a richness of impressions that impact my personal consciousness. The easiest way to recognize the impact is through the physical body memories, but the awareness that holds the memories is actually on a more subtle level, and it is filled with love for the richness and colour of all these experiences. Appreciation for reality.

This might seem bizarre and hard to understand for those of you who have not yet ventured into the depths of your inner awareness. But perhaps it will awaken a flame of curiosity in you—a curiosity to find out what you really are.

Yoga for depression: see for yourself

One of my yoga teachers, Jennifer Steed, explains yoga as “changing your life in one breath.” It is that simple. One deep breath can change how we feel in a moment. Have you ever noticed how sometimes your body involuntarily takes in a deep breath? Often, on the exhale of this deep breath, a lot of held tension is released from the shoulders. With that release of tension can come a little more openness, lightness, or joy.

I thought it would be fun today to offer an actual example of how yoga can change how you feel in less than 3 minutes. Yoga Outreach offered this short YouTube video this morning as an inspiration for those of us doing the Reach Out Challenge, and I’d like to share it with you. Do you have 2 minutes and 36 seconds to spare? If so, try this very simple video and see how you feel before and after.

The clip is from Amy Weintraub, author of Yoga for Depression: A Compassionate Guide to Relieve Suffering Through Yoga. I ordered this book yesterday, as well as Overcoming Trauma through Yoga, and I look forward to learning more about using yoga as a tool for easing depression. Research evidence indicates that yoga can help people who are suffering from depression. I hope that if you try the video, you will experience this directly for yourself. But yoga can do more than transform a momentary feeling into another momentary feeling.

Last night, I did Melina Meza’s Yin Yoga for Winter practice again. You may recall, this was my Get Out of Jail Free card, and believe me, after an active, fun, and exhausting week, I was tempted to use it; but instead, I set up the computer at minutes before midnight, tuned in to My Yoga Online, and did my practice. I did it for the kids… just kidding. I did it for all of you who are sponsoring me, and for the whole range of students who come to Yoga Outreach classes. But I digress…

One of the things Melina says in the class is that it is natural to become a little depressed in the winter time, due to the reduced sunlight and to the natural rhythm of slowing down. It is a harmonious response to the slowing of the season and life moving into slumber mode for the winter. What she also says—which is very interesting to contemplate—is that we don’t actually have to try to change this feeling. We don’t need to feel good all the time. What a concept! Learning to accept slight depression or discomfort is true freedom. Yoga can help with this learning, as we hang out in a pose and learn to be with all the sensations, without clinging or aversion. The skill of staying with what is can develop on the mat, and spread into other parts of our lives.

Personally, I feel much more comfortable on the up side of life’s cycles and of my daily and monthly rhythm. But learning to hang out in the slowed down, lower side of the cycle can bring a perverse sense of quiet elation. For me, the key has been learning to trust that if I slow down, and let myself hang out there, I will naturally move into the up cycle again a little while later. The fear is that I will be stuck in the low cycle forever. But I’ve learned this is not so. And gradually, I am learning to accept the slow side, and give myself permission to be there without anxiety.

Yoga for trauma: a gentle path to healing

Last night I had the good fortune to attend Yoga Outreach’s Trauma Sensitive Yoga Training. This class is for volunteer teachers who teach through the Yoga Outreach program, but also for any teachers or workers who want to learn more about supporting clients who have been affected by trauma.

The Georgia Straight published a great article on how Yoga Outreach is helping people who have experienced trauma in their lives. Not surprisingly, many of these people are in the populations that Yoga Outreach serves: people in prison, people with addictions, people with mental health issues, women who are leaving abusive relationships, and so on. Many of the people in the class last night work directly with clients who deal with these issues, and I think it is evident that trauma has a big part to play in addiction and harmful behaviour. It would be great to get at the root cause of violence, abuse, and addiction in our culture. Working with people who suffer from the results is one way to step into the cycle and help people choose a different response.

Yoga provides a way of overcoming the deeply ingrained physical impacts of trauma (which evidence shows is hard-wired into the nervous system if it cannot be released effectively at the time of the traumatic incident). People become trapped in repeating the physical and emotional response to the traumatic situation (elevated heart rate, fear of danger in the present, difficulty trusting others), and the impact of the trauma shapes their world view. Yoga can help by gently re-learning to inhabit the body as a safe place, using breath, grounding, and movement to experience calmness, inner strength, and self-control.

Research has accumulated over the last decade or so to provide evidence of the benefits of yoga in many healing situations, and particularly in healing trauma. A great book on this subject is Overcoming Trauma through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body, by David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper, with an introduction and foreward from yoga-trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk and pioneer PTSD researcher Peter Levine.

Part of the class included a sample yoga practice that demonstrated good practices for teaching trauma sensitive yoga. This includes using language that invites the participant to do their own exploration and offers plenty of choice points, so that the yoga practioner begins to trust in their own inner guidance and feels empowered to control their practice. These can be new behaviours for people who have experienced chronic abuse (which can lead to feelings of helplessness and lack of control), and can help them to develop a stronger self image as someone who has the power to make choices. The calming benefits of the yoga practice allow the new learnings to penetrate into the psyche, and breathing and body sensing practices give the participants skills that they can use in stressful situations.

I found that this orientation led to a very gentle practice, and filled my heart with the desire to bring the benefits of yoga to people who are suffering.

Rigor bikramitis has set in

OMFG! I am not sure if I survived the Bikram yoga class after all! Yesterday morning when I wrote about the class, I had a small patch of sore muscle between my shoulder blades. As the day went on, the ache spread out from there into my entire back and legs. This morning it is difficult to lift my legs enough to put on my socks!

So the Bikram yoga class was definitely an overall body workout that reached into almost every muscle. I’m surprised my chin isn’t sore. My arms aren’t too bad, so unlike Ashtanga yoga with the sun salutation vinyasa flow, the Bikram class isn’t too hard on the arms.

Anyway, last night I was definitely ready for some restorative yoga, and I did Melina Meza’s Fall Yin Restorative Practice again. I thought it would be easy-peasy, and help ease out some of the stiffness in my body. It was not and did not. I could barely get into a simple supine side twist (shown above from the My Yoga Online video); I had to use two fat cushions under my bent knee to even get close to the pose! After that I did about 10 minutes of my regular yoga routine, and found that the muscles used in the poses I do regularly didn’t hurt. This is very interesting information, because it means the world of hurt is coming from muscles I am not using regularly. Who knew there were so many muscles!

Bikram yoga: the marathon of the yoga world

OMG. That was the first thing I said to my workmate Ritu in the locker room after the Bikram yoga class last night. I survived! We all survived!

By the second of the 26 poses I was beginning to have my doubts whether I would. Not due to the heat, which at the early part of the class just felt pleasant to me. But due to the pace. No offence to Ulrike, the amazing teacher of the class I attended at Bikram Yoga Vancouver’s Cambie location, but my first impression in the class was of boot camp with a sadistic drill sergeant! The pace was non-stop, with urgings to try harder and push, push, push! Ulrike kept up a constant flow of exhortations and precise, skilled instructions for 90 minutes—an amazing demonstration of expertise and love of yoga.

In spite of my initial misgivings and questioning of the sanity of myself and all those attending the class, I made it through to the end. There were 11 first-timers in the class with me, and probably about 30 students in total. Four of us were from Vancity, and two of my workmates have done Bikram yoga before, while two of us were new. The class was packed, and it just kept getting hotter.

Using stubborn will, I kept up with the pace and did all of the poses, though some in bent knee rather than straight leg form, due to my extreme lack of flexibility. And in some cases I needed to back out of the full version to an easier form due to cramping in my feet at one point, and my calf muscles at another point. The heat did help me go further and deeper into some of the poses than I’ve ever done before. It was satisfying to test myself and be pushed almost to my limits, though what kept me going was the mantra that once this was over I was never taking another Bikram class!

The first half of the class was standing poses, and the second half was seated or supine poses. You would think the second half would be easier, but it was not. By the last 30 minutes, the heat was unbelievable, and it began to resemble a sweat lodge, which is meant to be so hot it forces the participants to be humbled, submit, and lay on the floor crying for release. In the seated part of the Bikram series, there is a short period of savasana between each pose; probably about 15 seconds of resting on one’s back before doing a super-sit-up, turning around, and quickly getting into the next pose. It was during these resting periods that I questioned whether I would be able to keep going. The teacher said something wise at this point, which was that we actually only needed to rest for a few breaths in order to integrate the previous pose and recover in time for the next one. Without anticipating what was coming next, it was truly a moment of relishing rest and being fully in the present. I began to experience emotional release and open-heartedness during the resting phases. And it was incredible how the super-sit-up became a flow of lightness, with no effort at all.

I felt like the previous days of yoga for the Reach Out Challenge had prepared me well for the challenge of the Bikram yoga class. Like training for months for a half-marathon, and then really pushing myself on race day, going at a sub-six-minute pace rather than my fastest training pace of eight-minute kilometres! I don’t know how the other first-timers did it, or whether, like me, they had experience with other yoga forms before taking this class. If not, it would be like trying to run a marathon without any training.

So for me, the class was like a race that was the culmination of many months of work. I wouldn’t want to run a half-marathon 3 times a week, and I don’t think I would ever want to take Bikram classes 3 times a week. I prefer my slow, plodding runs, with moments of grace where I have a great run that takes me by surprise. And slow, contemplative yoga classes, where there is time for deep sensing and inner reflection. But obviously there are many finer athletes than me, in running and in the yoga world, and some people get into doing the class 3 or 5 times a week and no doubt live radiant lives because of it.

Bikram is hot even in a normal room!

I printed out the 26 poses for Bikram yoga yesterday, and spent about 40 minutes practicing the poses, with 6 ujjayi breaths per pose per side. I used David Swenson’s Ashtanga Yoga: The Practice Manual for insight into some of the poses, but he doesn’t use all of the Bikram poses in his primary and intermediate series. I used pictures from another website to get additional info about some of the poses.

By about the third pose I was starting to get hot, so I can just imagine how it will be in a studio that’s heated to 104 degrees! I like the series, and it was interesting to discover some new poses I’ve never tried before. Toe stand pose, the culmination of the standing part of the series, was particularly challenging, both because of the balancing and because of the pressure squeezing my knees. I was a little worried afterwards that I might have overdone it, but the knees seem okay this morning.

Tonight is the Bikram class with my workmates. The class is 90 minutes, so we’ll probably be in each pose longer than 6 breaths. Plus there might be variations within the poses. I’m interested to see how the transitions flow. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Thanks to my friends and family who have pledged 50 cents or a dollar a day for the 30-day Reach Out Challenge. If you haven’t done so and would like to sponsor me to raise money for Yoga Outreach, you can use the online donation link. Or phone me at 604.251.6337 or send an email to kyrempel@gmail.com. Thanks!

Vinyasa flowing into fall

Yesterday I continued the Reach Out Challenge with the Fall Seasonal Vinyasa Flow class on My Yoga Online, taught by Melina Meza. I am loving her classes. I’ve gotten used to the fact that the instructions are audio-recorded by the teacher, while a student is shown doing the poses in the video.

Melina is a brilliant teacher. She gives instructions for subtle positioning, and describes the impact the slight change in position has within the body. This helps the student focus inwards and increase their capacity to sense deeply. Her language fosters a sense of spiritual connection with yoga, the seasons, and the nature of reality.

The vinyasa flow class moves more quickly than the restorative classes she teaches. I was feeling quite hot by the end, which is why I didn’t dress very warmly for my run! But I could really feel the impact of the class on my running. The looseness in my body helped the energy flow freely and added to the effects of the cold to help me run very quickly.

Melina’s Fall Seasonal Vinyasa Flow class includes a great sivasana, with a wonderful sensing practice that “stores” attention in the bones of the body. I will definitely do this class again. But first I want to try all Melina’s other classes. However, today my practice is going to be an attempt to learn the 26 poses of the Bikram’s yoga flow, in preparation for the class with my workmates tomorrow night. Yikes!